Earth, Mars, Neptune Warming — Sheryl Crow Recommends 1/2 Square of Toilet Paper To Save Uranus

Did you know there’s industrialized life on Mars and Neptune? There has to be. Recent reports show that global warming is on the rise dramatically on Neptune, and ice caps are melting on Mars.

There must be relatively intelligent but ecologically stupid life on these planets flying jets, driving SUV’s and using aerosol hairspray. As Al Gore teaches us, there is no other way for global warming to occur.

In the meantime, expect environmental activists to mobilize to save the other planets that are being ruined. Soon we might see Sheryl Crow’s “Concert for Uranus,” where she will ask us to go from using the one square of toilet paper per her earlier request, to 1/2 square, in order to keep this looming tragedy on Neptune from striking neighboring planets.

How bad is it? Here’s the latest photograph of the surface of Neptune, as taken from the New Horizons spacecraft:

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Al Gore, for the love of God, please go save Neptune!

Earth, Mars, Neptune Warming — Sheryl Crow Recommends 1/2 Square of Toilet Paper To Save Uranus

Did you know there’s industrialized life on Mars and Neptune? There has to be. Recent reports show that global warming is on the rise dramatically on Neptune, and ice caps are melting on Mars.

There must be relatively intelligent but ecologically stupid life on these planets flying jets, driving SUV’s and using aerosol hairspray. As Al Gore teaches us, there is no other way for global warming to occur.

In the meantime, expect environmental activists to mobilize to save the other planets that are being ruined. Soon we might see Sheryl Crow’s “Concert for Uranus,” where she will ask us to go from using the one square of toilet paper per her earlier request, to 1/2 square, in order to keep this looming tragedy on Neptune from striking neighboring planets.

How bad is it? Here’s the latest photograph of the surface of Neptune, as taken from the New Horizons spacecraft:

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Al Gore, for the love of God, please go save Neptune!

Help Wanted: NASA Administrator — Must Have Own Slide Rule, DVD Copy of "An Inconvenient Truth"

There’s a good chance there will be a job opening at NASA in coming months.

NASA administrator Michael Griffin, in an NPR interview, has doubts about man-made global warming:

I have no doubt that global — that a trend of global warming exists. I am not sure that it is fair to say that it is a problem we must wrestle with. To assume that it is a problem is to assume that the state of earth’s climate today is the optimal climate, the best climate that we could have or ever have had and that we need to take steps to make sure that it doesn’t change.

First of all, I don’t think it’s within the power of human beings to assure that the climate does not change, as millions of years of history have shown, and second of all, I guess I would ask which human beings – where and when – are to be accorded the privilege of deciding that this particular climate that we have right here today, right now is the best climate for all other human beings. I think that’s a rather arrogant position for people to take.

If Al Gore has anything to say about it (and/or a Democrat is elected president next year), this guy is history. Global warming “science” is a discipline not unlike that seen in The Godfather — “Never go against the family.”

Griffin is going to have to quickly change his tune, or else end up sleeping with the unemployed and too-warm fishes.

Help Wanted: NASA Administrator — Must Have Own Slide Rule, DVD Copy of “An Inconvenient Truth”

There’s a good chance there will be a job opening at NASA in coming months.

NASA administrator Michael Griffin, in an NPR interview, has doubts about man-made global warming:

I have no doubt that global — that a trend of global warming exists. I am not sure that it is fair to say that it is a problem we must wrestle with. To assume that it is a problem is to assume that the state of earth’s climate today is the optimal climate, the best climate that we could have or ever have had and that we need to take steps to make sure that it doesn’t change.

First of all, I don’t think it’s within the power of human beings to assure that the climate does not change, as millions of years of history have shown, and second of all, I guess I would ask which human beings – where and when – are to be accorded the privilege of deciding that this particular climate that we have right here today, right now is the best climate for all other human beings. I think that’s a rather arrogant position for people to take.

If Al Gore has anything to say about it (and/or a Democrat is elected president next year), this guy is history. Global warming “science” is a discipline not unlike that seen in The Godfather — “Never go against the family.”

Griffin is going to have to quickly change his tune, or else end up sleeping with the unemployed and too-warm fishes.

Raising the Price of Legal, Lowering the Cost of Illegal

Back when it was illegal to be in the country illegally, none of this would have made sense. But now that we’ve grown accustomed to complete buffoonery and counter-productive bone-headedness coming from Washington, this isn’t really much of a surprise:

The Bush administration will announce increases in immigration application fees today that will double the cost of citizenship and almost triple the cost of becoming a permanent resident.

The new fees, reflecting an average 66% increase, led immigrant advocates and some members of Congress to criticize them as a “wall” that could bar poorer immigrants from citizenship. U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services officials countered that the increases were essential to help the overloaded agency reduce its backlog and speed service.

My advice to any foreigner who wants to be in the United States would be to get here illegally, for you’ll soon receive amnesty (I’m sorry, I mean “federally assisted undocumented migrant worker relocation program with tax relief“). Then take the money you save on green card fees and contribute to our economy. I guess at this point that’s the most we can ask.

Raising fees to become a legal American? Yes, stripping immigrants of all their money before they even step foot in the U.S. is a great idea. Get ’em on welfare right off the bat so you don’t miss an opportunity to control every aspect of their lives (including, most importantly, their votes) from the outset.

If the government needs more money, why not charge any of the 12 million people here illegally an “amnesty fee” of, say, $10. Raking in $120 million would probably allow the immigration folks the means to speed up the processing of the ever decreasing number of people who are trying to come to the U.S. legally, apparently not realizing they don’t need to waste that money. But no, in America, we pass the cost on to the law-abiding.

If a department store refused to lock their doors every night, and, to cover the theft losses, quadrupled all their prices, they’d be out of business in short order. What the U.S. is doing is no different, and we’re in danger of going out of business as a result unless somebody wakes up.

What Hillary Says vs. What Hillary Means — Lesson 1: Communism = "Shared Prosperity"

Well, for the first time in many, many years, Hillary Clinton has given a man an erection — unfortunately, that man is Karl Marx:

Presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton outlined a broad economic vision Tuesday, saying it’s time to replace an “on your own” society with one based on shared responsibility and prosperity.

The Democratic senator said what the Bush administration touts as an “ownership society” really is an “on your own” society that has widened the gap between rich and poor.

Elect Hillary if you want to get rid of our “on your own” society. That will bring us our much sought after “fairness,” because we’ll all be poor.

Stay tuned for lesson #2 in the “What Hillary says vs. what Hillary Means” lecture series: Leftist government = “the Village”

What Hillary Says vs. What Hillary Means — Lesson 1: Communism = “Shared Prosperity”

Well, for the first time in many, many years, Hillary Clinton has given a man an erection — unfortunately, that man is Karl Marx:

Presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton outlined a broad economic vision Tuesday, saying it’s time to replace an “on your own” society with one based on shared responsibility and prosperity.

The Democratic senator said what the Bush administration touts as an “ownership society” really is an “on your own” society that has widened the gap between rich and poor.

Elect Hillary if you want to get rid of our “on your own” society. That will bring us our much sought after “fairness,” because we’ll all be poor.

Stay tuned for lesson #2 in the “What Hillary says vs. what Hillary Means” lecture series: Leftist government = “the Village”

Scooping Themselves Out of Existence: The MSM Spilling National Secrets

When it comes to gladly broadcasting secrets that are detrimental to the United States and the safety of the men and women who serve it, the mainstream media now remind me of the joke about the New York Times cover page as it would have appeared before the Revolutionary War if the news organization had the mindset that it does now:

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Instances of the media gladly reporting U.S. secrets that could actually, ultimately, and ironically, lead to the demise of the free press (which reporters actually used to be smart enough to realize) seems to be increasing in numbers over the years. “American first, reporter second” is a credo that is on the verge of extinction in the free press, and as a result, the free press could be on the verge of extinction — and they don’t seem to get it.

The most recent was this ABC News report:

The CIA has received secret presidential approval to mount a covert “black” operation to destabilize the Iranian government, current and former officials in the intelligence community tell the Blotter on ABCNews.com.

The sources, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because of the sensitive nature of the subject, say President Bush has signed a “nonlethal presidential finding” that puts into motion a CIA plan that reportedly includes a coordinated campaign of propaganda, disinformation and manipulation of Iran’s currency and international financial transactions.

I’d ask “whose side are they on, anyway?” But I think it’s apparent. I can think of no other industry like the “free American press” that is orchestrating its own demise with such skill and speed. What makes me say this? Because, so often, these “secrets” the U.S. press reports are to the benefit of the very people who, if they ever gain control in the U.S., will put the “free press” out of business (either career-wise or physically).

Consider the situation in Venezuela, which is run by the man who American leftists embrace as one of the best, most generous leaders in the world, Hugo Chavez. If many leftists (some in the mainstream media included) had their druthers, a guy like Chavez would make a great president of the United States.

We need look no further than Radio Caracas Television, a formerly private station in Venezuela, for proof of what will happen to the “free press” with a person like the glorious Hugo Chavez in charge. Hugo Chavez took over the station, shutting it down after he withdrew its license. Why? He didn’t like what they were saying about him.

This is the man who embraces ideals the American left would love to see more of in this country. If any of those people are in American news organizations, and I guarantee you there are some, what does that tell us about their intelligence level?

So isolated from reality has much of the mainstream media become that, when the day comes to pay the price for those they tipped off, it will actually come as a surprise.

Update: Here’s ABC’s excuse… I mean, reason, for going ahead with the report:

“In the six days since we first contacted the CIA and the White House, at no time did they indicate that broadcasting this report would jeopardize lives or operations on the ground. ABC News management gave them the repeated opportunity to make whatever objection they wanted to regarding our report. They chose not to.”

Sure. And what would the lead story have been if the Bush administration tried to convince ABC to not air the report? “Iron-booted Bush threatens free press, your right to know!”

(h/t Michael Greiner’s blog)

A Memorial Day Note to Service Members Past and Present

My column today at WorldNetDaily, “John Wayne, where are you?” is about how Hollywood, and the rest of us, could really use an actor who embodies the American spirit like The Duke did. In spite of his numerous war movies though, Wayne never served in the military, so I thought I’d put Hollywood behind us for a moment to say thanks to the frontline heroes.

The following is a note I wrote a couple of years ago that I like to run every Memorial Day:

Dear members of the US Military past and present,

Thanks to you and your predecessors, we’re free. Throughout our history, you’ve fought for, and won, independence. You’ve helped put an end to slavery, oppression, genocide and all manner of craziness put forth by every spiral-eyed deranged dictator and tin-pot wanker on the planet.

You can be sent to fight in some of the biggest dung-heap, dirt-bucket and generally scummy areas on the face of the earth — places that make a septic tank look like the Presidential Suite at the Bellagio.

You perform tasks, from the incredibly dangerous to the intolerably mundane, without public complaint or plea for recognition. You’re often called upon to take on unhinged nut cases; the aberrant likes of whom may make one long for the stability of Courtney Love — and dive head first into a big bowl of “Crackpot Bouillabaisse” against knee-jerk fascists, totalitarian fist wavers and psychotic zealots. All this is offset by the lousy pay and unfair criticism from two-faced politicians, not to mention Malibu pinheads who will only appreciate your existence when there are Chinese tanks sitting in Rob Reiner’s foyer.

Don’t worry too much about all those actors you see criticizing you and /or your bosses. Career actors do a lot of protesting, but it’s not their reason for living. They’re good at whining, but still, it’s just something they do between films.

The Hollywood left stays here because good acting gigs are much harder to come by in socialist or communist countries. They can whine about this nation from Malibu, while making millions acting and directing. Or they could chastise and belittle the United States from China, while earning 75 Yuan a week for playing the lead in “If They Could See Me Mao” at the Wuhan Community Playhouse.

The freedom to make lots of money trumps any urge to actually be dumb enough to live in a country that practices what they preach.

Your critics in Hollywood may be against all wars, but they also can’t help but notice that films about your battles make great box-office draw. To them, wars are unnecessary, gross injustices to humanity — immoral and illegal schemes that serve only the selfish and greedy whims of old white men. Oh, by the way, they also happen to be great topics from which they can reap a fortune for themselves, DreamWorks SKG and Paramount.

Though there’s plenty of criticism and finger pointing, you somehow manage to overlook this to do a job that keeps us free. You even fight for those who are too short-sighted to recognize that the reason they’re free to publicly criticize you or your missions is you and your mission. The irony must be frustrating at times.

Why do you do it? I’m sure there are many reasons, but there can be only one response: Thank you.