Democrat Presidential Candidate John Edwards gave a speech last year at the University of California at Davis that might have made Mother Teresa laugh until goat milk came out her nose. The speech was entitled, “Poverty, the Great Moral issue Facing America,” and for it Edwards was paid $55,000.

Now cover yourselves with tarp like you’re in the front row at a Gallagher concert so you don’t get hit with any of the saliva shooting from Pink Sapphire as they rabidly await the inevitable coif & facial windfall.

While laced with irony on the surface, Edwards has unintentionally struck upon the answer to solving poverty: Capitalism. Edwards takes in all that money for a speech — John Edwards wins, and the workers and their families at Pink Sapphire win. Edwards’ haul from that particular speech was a classic example of trickle-down economics, as opposed to trickle-on economics, which is how the trial attorney in John Edwards supports his personal economy.

Because of Edwards’ career as a trial attorney, he understands more than anyone else that you can’t help someone out of a hole if you’re in there with them — you’re successful by suing the ass off the company that dug the hole.

So, John “K’ung Fu-tzu” Edwards’ life philosophy is basically this: “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day; teach a man to sue big tobacco for his own horrendous personal choices — feed both of us for life.”

That said, Edwards is taking a little flak for the seeming irony of this story, but then again, who wants to see a speech on how to end poverty being given by a dirt poor speaker who didn’t insist on being paid for his time? So I’m torn on this one.

Hopefully those kids in attendance at Edwards speech that day at UC Davis were taking notes (in between being asked to raise their hands and yell “yes” if they want to end poverty, and/or have suffered a neck injury from an improperly deploying passenger-side airbag). John Edwards is teaching them the valuable lesson that the way out of poverty has nothing to do with staying poor, and has everything to do with full lawsuits and empty rhetoric, while at the same time looking fabulous!


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