Rosie & Company: Real Stories of the Moron Patrol

It was with no feeling of pure coincidence that I read these two news stories posted very near each other:

Rosie leaves The View in a snit and might not return

U.S. carbon dioxide emissions decline

For that, I think we owe Rosie a debt of gratitude — even if my theory is based on junk science. But being a junk scientist is a discipline that seems to be catching on. As a matter of fact, my friends at the smelting plant in town are still proud to know that Rosie “fire can’t melt steel” O’Donnell is praising them for accomplishing the impossible each and every day.

I don’t watch The View much. As I’ve written before, I have seen it on a few occasions, and I must say that Barbara Walters provides work to so many mentally challenged individuals that I’m sure she qualifies for some sort of tax break. That has to be one of the reasons she keeps it breathing — that and they seem to reel in viewers. They say about NASCAR that many of the fans watch just for the wrecks, and with The View, that’s pretty much all you see.

The latest battle is the now famous cat fight about the war between Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Rosie O’Donnell, with Rosie yelling “Git in mah BELLAH!” and Elizabeth saying “Nuh UH!”

Who was right? I did what every other self-respecting man does when watching an argument between two women: Took the side of the best looking one.

This time, fortunately, my instincts turned out to be correct, and Hasselbeck stood up to O’Donnell’s usual bullying with admirable aplomb. Rosie plays debate ball like Dick Butkis wearing a blindfold, and ends up pummeling anything and everything, including, most often, herself.

This apparently is not limited to Rosie. It’s a trait she also looks for in her staff.

When you think “class act,” you think “Rosie O’Donnell,” and Rosie’s staff didn’t disappoint after the Hasselbeck/O’Donnell slap-fight. Check this out:

Yesterday, Rosie’s chief writer, Janette Barber, was allegedly escorted from the building after she was caught drawing moustaches on photographs of Hasselbeck that hang in the “View” studios.

The Post’s Adam Buckman reports ABC confirmed in a statement only that “photographs at ‘The View’s’ offices were defaced. Rosie O’Donnell was not in the building. ABC Legal and Human Resources are investigating the matter.” Barber is an old friend of O’Donnell who worked with her years ago on “The Rosie O’Donnell Show.”

Somebody writes Rosie’s drivel? The network paying for a writer for Rosie O’Donnell is kind of like shelling out big bucks to hire Emeril Lagasse to make a hot dog — and then paint mustaches on pictures of Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

Oh well, it’s good to know there’s work out there for fiction scribes other than just in novels and network news.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: