Music can save the world, we’re often told. This information is usually distributed, not so surprisingly, by musicians or some attempted semblance thereof. This theory is put to the test every time somebody tries to feed a starving child a Duran Duran album, but somehow this “truth” still manages to perpetuate and grow.

Those most interested in saving the planet, for its PR value alone, are often a breed known as rock and pop musicians. These are people who can be some of the most immoral, degenerate, greedy and repugnant individuals on the planet who yet get off on pointing out what ghastly, uncaring capitalist pigs the rest of us are.

The latest in this long line of people who will take their private jets to your town in order to let you know that the amount of toilet paper you’re using is destroying the environment can be found at Al Gore’s “Live Earth” concerts.

Gore’s concerts to raise global warming awareness (and thanks for that Al, we wouldn’t have known about it otherwise) are set to take place on July 7th. Attendees and performers will sit in the hot July sun and long for the days before man burned fossil fuels and it was cool in the summer.

NBC will provide 75 hours of air time and lug tons of equipment in huge diesel trucks that spew enormous amounts of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere to help do their part in making us aware that our lawn mowers are killing everybody.

According to the Live Earth website, the purpose of the concerts is this: Live Earth will use the global reach of music to engage people on a mass scale to combat our climate crisis.

Step 1: Cancel the event.

The concerts, which will take place in New York; Tokyo; Shanghai, China; Johannesburg, South Africa; Sydney, Australia; Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; Hamburg, Germany; and Istanbul, Turkey and Antarctica, will burn God knows how much energy in order to tell us all that burning energy is ruining the planet.

Between the television trucks, crews flying all around the world, band equipment trucks, electricity (to power the concerts, not to mention the 2 billion televisions expected to be tuned in), stage construction/destruction, attendees cars — all simultaneously occurring at various parts of the world — Gorestock is bound to be one of the most earth unfriendly days in the history of the planet.

It often takes a nasty forest fire to make us aware of forest fires, and Gorestock is flat-out ecological arson.

Organizers say these events will be “green,” such as “sourcing all electricity from renewable sources (utility-supplied renewable energy, biodiesel generators, renewable energy credits), issuing carbon credits for air travel by staff and artists, and reducing waste from concessions.”

Are you familiar with the concept of “carbon credits” (otherwise known as “rich liberal guilt deferments”)? This is when an environmentally unconscious person will, for example, slash and burn some forest to build a mansion, and “offset” this carbon footprint by paying money to someone or some entity to “save” an equal amount of carbon.

To me, the concept of “carbon offsets” makes about as much sense as “murder offsets.” In other words, a homicide could be justified as long as the killer offsets the death by impregnating another person. If that makes sense, jump on the carbon credits bandwagon.

Every non-musician on the planet will have to keep their motors off for a long time to help neutralize the carbon cost of Gore’s concerts. It’s been estimated that the Wembley “Live Earth” concert alone will emit over 3,000 tons of carbon — 4,000 if Madonna prattles on in a fake British accent and Genesis does the extended version of Abacab.

If Gorestock organizers and the bands really believed that this problem existed and wanted to do something about it, they’d cancel the events, shut off the trucks, ground the planes, turn off the stage lights, unplug the guitars and microphones, and urge everybody to turn their televisions off for the day. Then they’d go home and shut up to stave off CO2 emissions. Here’s their genuine opportunity to do something about global warming, but it seems that ego trumps Mother Earth each and every time.

The cruel irony of Gorestock is that, though it’s a claim made over and over, there is no hard evidence that humans are to blame for the latest in a long historical line of slight planetary warming trends (and subsequent declines). But, by God, if the problem doesn’t exist on the morning of July 7th, Al Gore will make damn sure it does on July 8th.


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