Simulated Trip to Mars, American Style

The European Space Agency is looking for twelve volunteers for a simulated trip to Mars that will take place in Moscow.

You’d better apply soon (application here), as over 2,000 applications have already been submitted to project manager Jennifer Ngo-Anh, whose surname just happens to be the exact sound that you’ll make while pulling 9 g’s on the training centrifuge.

All candidates, in order to qualify for consideration for the Mars500 project, must be from Canada (in the event ice is discovered on the Red Planet the ESA will need access to the Canucks advanced Zamboni technology) or one of 15 European countries. I think this means that George Clooney qualifies.

The ESA experiment will last almost a year and a half. A dozen people will be placed in a small fish bowl of isolation and observed for any signs of insanity, personality changes, cracking under stress and inconsistent behavior. Also, access to showers will be limited and there is no smoking or drinking of any sort.

Though this is new to Europe, Americans have been doing it for years — it’s called presidential campaign season.

If Jennifer Ngo-Anh needs any advice, I hope she remembers to call the RNC or the DNC.


In 2004, John Kerry, above, underwent rigorous training similar to Europe’s Mars500 experiment, and just this year, Hillary Clinton suffered a serious flight training accident

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: