There was an article in the UK’s Sunday Times about possible presidential candidate Fred Thompson’s past as a ladies man.

It sure is nice to read about a politician whose reminiscence of past dealings with women brings a tear to his eye for reasons other than mace flashbacks. Not only does Thompson seem to like the women, but they like him.

Here are a couple of snips from the article, and where Fred may run into some problems:

In the battle for the women’s vote, Fred Thompson has a secret weapon against Hillary Clinton – the legions of former girlfriends who still adore him and who want him to be president.

Who says Hillary doesn’t have the same secret weapon? Watch out, Fred.

Here’s why country singer Lorrie Morgan likes Fred:

“Fred is a perfect example of chivalry. He’s the kind of man little girls dream about marrying, who opens doors for you, lights your cigarettes, helps you on with your coat, buys wonderful gifts. It’s every woman’s fantasy.”

Lights their Cigarettes? Oh my. Nowadays this known by a different name: Bic-assisted homicide. How else did Fred “help” women? By cooking dinners laced with trans-fats and making out with them on the porch under the warm and environmentally deadly glow of an incandescent light bulb?

Morgan continues:

“I think he has a great chance of capturing the women’s vote. He’s majestic. He’s a soft, safe place to be and that could be Fred’s ticket. Women love a soft place to lay and a strong pair of hands to hold us.”

This kind of talk just has to chap the Birkenstocks of the National Organization for Women, who haven’t had access to a soft place to lay and a strong pair of hands to hold them since Molly Yard passed away and took Jane Fonda’s down-filled NVA quilt with her.

In spite of recent movements to feminize men and masculinize women, Thompson’s chivalry will be a welcome respite for traditional females, not to mention men, who long for a day when we all knew what in the hell we were supposed to do and say when we were in the same room together.

Besides, it’s been decades since we’ve had a presidential candidate from a southern state whose way of asking a woman out on a date wasn’t to drop his pants and say “how ’bout a smooch for lil’ Bubba?”


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