LOS ANGELES, (PTBNS): Comedian and radio talk show host Dennis Miller, who, shortly after 9/11, made it publicly known that he had taken a big swing to the political right, has inexplicably swung back to the left–the far left.
“I’ve been studying Marxist/Leninist philosophy, and I’ve got to say, I’m more fulfilled than Michael Moore after being locked overnight in a Krispy Kreme. I couldn’t be more perked up and excited if I were Lindsay Lohan on her way to Pablo Escobar’s birthday party,” said Miller.
Mr. Miller continued delving into the reasons why he’s switching political allegiance from libertarian/conservative to Marxist/Leninist.
“Marx’s ‘Das Kapital’ is a tough read — it’s harder than Michael Jackson in a sauna full of Cub Scouts, babe — but once I got a grip on it and was no longer as intimidated as an ailurophobe stuck in an elevator with the cast of CATS, my brain was doing more giddy undulation than the directors cut of the orgy scene in ‘Eyes Wide Shut.'”
When asked why he’s declaring himself a Marxist at this juncture in his career, Miller was candid. “Marx hung with this cat named Friedrich Engels, who was sort of Karl’s version of Kato Kaelin, but only a better actor. Engels said that, ‘an ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.'”
“Well,” Miller continued, “it’s time for action, babe. Words alone are as valuable as an endorsement by Michael Dukakis. I want an uprising of the lower classes, and I want the upper classes to know what it’s like to struggle more than Ernest Borgnine trying to get into a wet suit to shoot the SCUBA scene in McHale’s Navy. I won’t let up until the ruling classes are as freaked out as a church DJ watching Oedipus and his old lady grind at the mother/son dance, okay?”
For now, Miller doesn’t see himself changing political direction for a while. “I’m going to ride this thing like it’s Carmen Electra and I’m Jamie Foxx. I’ll only stop when I see the ruling classes go down like Rex Reed at Barney Frank’s re-election soiree, and the inevitable transfer of wealth makes Kruschev sprout a woody so big that his casket lid flies farther than a Pujols homer.”
Miller acknowledged that the switch hasn’t been easy. “Sure, I’ve taken more verbal abuse than a Jewish cop who just pulled over Mel Gibson, but there’s also a sizable segment of my audience that is happier than Eleanor Roosevelt at a Lilith Fair concert to see me come out for Marxism.”
Acknowledging that his mind “changes more often than Cher backstage at the Mirage,” Miller nonetheless insists he’s a Marxist for life.
“There’s a better chance of Hansjurgen Johansen flying back to Kiev on a Whiffledorf than there is of me switching party affiliations again.”
This reporter didn’t understand that last part.
Note: This is obviously satire, which I enjoy writing on rare occasion, but I have to make a note of this because too often real life events are so silly that they blur the frightening line between fiction and reality