School Dhimmicrats on Parade

It’s the same question every Christmas: What do you get for the person who’s offended by everything? Why, you consider getting rid of Christmas, of course. Oh, and Jell-O.

Near Chicago, school bureaucrats are being fitted for their turbans:

The holiday traditions are facing elimination in some Oak Lawn schools this year after complaints that the activities are offensive, particularly to Muslim students.

Final decisions on which of the festivities will be axed will fall to the principals at each of Ridgeland School District 122’s five schools, Supt. Tom Smyth said.

Parents expect that the announcement is going to add to the tension that has been building since officials agreed earlier this month to change the lunch menu to exclude items containing pork to accommodate Muslim students. News that Jell-O was struck from the menu caused such a stir that officials have agreed to bring it back. Gelatin is often made with tissue or bones of pigs or other animals.

My only question to school bureaucrats who are afraid of offended everybody except Christians and Jell-O lovers is this: You say that your decisions are based on “teaching kids tolerance for the beliefs of others,” but how are you accomplishing that by showing them that the only way to accomplish true tolerance is by bending over for a group of people who are intolerant of everything?

Isn’t banning everything in a school that offends a single religion in effect embracing that religion over others? Of course it is, but you’ll never hear that seriously discussed at a school board meeting.

Christians, and everybody else for that matter, had better start getting offended themselves, or this country will be unrecognizable and perhaps even nonexistent in 50 years.

Now for you kids at Oak Lawn schools, you’d better start your next reading assignment:

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Lucidity Impossible: Tom Cruise Digging Alien Bunker at the Funny Farm?

Normally I laugh off these kinds of stories as Hollywood rumor mill tabloid tripe, but hey, it’s Tom Cruise, so I sorta believe it:

Hollywood star Tom Cruise is planning to build a bunker at his Colorado home to protect his family in the event of an intergalactic alien attack, according to new reports.

The Mission Impossible actor, who is a dedicated follower of Scientology, is reportedly fearful that deposed galactic ruler ‘Xenu’ is plotting an evil revenge attack on Earth.

The story is made even more believable when you consider that Xenu plays a major role in the Scientology that Cruise embraces.

Here’s an introduction to Xenu from Wikipedia:

Xenu (also Xemu), pronounced [‘zi.nu:], according to Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, was the dictator of the “Galactic Confederacy” who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of his people to Earth in DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes and killed them using hydrogen bombs. Scientology holds that their essences remained, and that they form around people in modern times, causing them spiritual harm.

These events are known to Scientologists as “Incident II”, and the traumatic memories associated with them as The Wall of Fire. The story of Xenu is part of Scientologist beliefs in extraterrestrial civilizations and alien interventions in Earthly events, collectively described as space opera by Hubbard.

After arriving on Earth, Xenu will trade in his DC-8 and talk Travolta into letting him use his 707.

I personally believe that psychiatric drugs are wildly over-prescribed, but in cases like this it’s sad that somebody who seems in such desperate need of them remains vehemently opposed to their use.

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Above we see Cruise’s Colorado home where the alleged bunker is being built, along with the tennis court where Tom will take on Xenu in a best-of-five set match to determine who gains ultimate control of the universe.

Below, Tom Cruise demonstrates for Oprah how Xenu will swoop down and strike fear into the hearts of non-believing rich celebrities who haven’t yet given their lives and checkbooks to Scientology:

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Hate Crime Laws: Marcia Brady Places Self in Grave Danger

A few days ago, it was rumored, in The National Enquirer, that the woman best known for playing Marcia on The Brady Bunch would divulge, in her forthcoming book, that she is a lesbian and once had dalliances with Eve Plumb, who played Jan.

If you’re like me, you read news I thought to yourself, “Whew! Now Maureen’s protected under the new hate crime legislation that passed through the Senate!”

The story of McCormick’s lesbionic leanings turns out not to be true. Darn, and just when I was starting to realize how the term “Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!” came to be.

By announcing that she’s not gay, McCormick won’t be protected by the expanded federal hate crimes laws which include violence based on a victim’s sexual orientation, among other things.

As a big Brady Bunch fan, I must make this plea: Stay gay, Marcia! That way, if you get beat up or killed the perp will be guilty of a hate crime.

I have to admit though, as a straight non-minority member of an unprotected ethnicity, it’s a good feeling to know that if I’m murdered, it won’t be because the murderer hated me. So I’ve got that goin’ for me… which is nice.

By the way, Larry Craig voted against the bill, the roll call of which was “two taps for ‘yay,’ one tap for ‘nay’.” Some are saying this is hypocritical of Craig, but remember, by saying he’s not gay, the next time his foot accidentally touches the shoe of the man in the next stall and he gets beat up, he can’t accuse that person of hating him, and he can’t even have sex with him because, as we all know, he’s not gay — so he’s only further trapping himself with this vote.

Sure, the rumors concerning Maureen McCormick turn out to be false, but even so, this is still funny:

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If you’ve never read Don Asmussen’s work, check it out. He’s hilarious.

Global Warming Not Politically Motivated (pause for laughter)

James Hansen, for those who are lucky enough to be ignorant of nth-degree meteorology and climatology, is the Chuck Yeager of the global warming theory and even makes Al Gore look like a paper hat clad trainee at “We’re All Gonna Die Burger.” Hansen is often quoted as a global warming “expert” and an unbiased scientist who has no axe to grind.

Really? I found this interesting, albeit not very surprising:

A report revealed just this week, shows the ‘Open Society Institute’ funded Hansen to the tune of $720,000, carefully orchestrating his entire media campaign. OSI, a political group which spent $74 million in 2006 to “shape public policy,” is funded by billionaire George Soros

Soros — a rare breed of Hungarian moonbat in Gabor sister male drag and the preferred self-hating uber-capitalist of vehement anti-capitalists everywhere — said in early 2004 that he’d give all his billions to see Bush defeated and has given millions to MoveOn.org and other leftist groups. Now he’s funding “global warming studies”?

Everybody laughed when cigarette companies funded their own studies to determine whether or not smoking is dangerous. Have we lost our sense of humor for things like this? Don’t worry though, I’m sure Soros will fund a study to determine whether or not Hansen’s research is biased in order to silence any skepticism.

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An Opinion From an Unbiased News Anchor — But First, Katie Couric's View

Katie “$2.51 per viewer” Couric spoke at the National Press Club on Tuesday. Here’s part of what she said:

The former “Today” show anchor traced her discomfort with the administration’s march to war back to the aftermath of the Sept. 11 attacks.

“The whole culture of wearing flags on our lapel and saying ‘we’ when referring to the United States and, even the ‘shock and awe’ of the initial stages, it was just too jubilant and just a little uncomfortable. And I remember feeling, when I was anchoring the ‘Today’ show, this inevitable march towards war and kind of feeling like, ‘Will anybody put the brakes on this?’ And is this really being properly challenged by the right people? And I think, at the time, anyone who questioned the administration was considered unpatriotic and it was a very difficult position to be in.”

How come it’s okay to wear everything else on our lapel? We’ve got breast cancer awareness ribbons, AIDS awareness ribbons, colon cancer awareness ribbons, awareness awareness ribbons and irritable bowel awareness ribbons — why not an “United States awareness” ribbon? Is it because “we” aren’t watching Couric’s newscast and she’s a little bitter?

An Opinion From an Unbiased News Anchor — But First, Katie Couric’s View

Katie “$2.51 per viewer” Couric spoke at the National Press Club on Tuesday. Here’s part of what she said:

The former “Today” show anchor traced her discomfort with the administration’s march to war back to the aftermath of the Sept. 11 attacks.

“The whole culture of wearing flags on our lapel and saying ‘we’ when referring to the United States and, even the ‘shock and awe’ of the initial stages, it was just too jubilant and just a little uncomfortable. And I remember feeling, when I was anchoring the ‘Today’ show, this inevitable march towards war and kind of feeling like, ‘Will anybody put the brakes on this?’ And is this really being properly challenged by the right people? And I think, at the time, anyone who questioned the administration was considered unpatriotic and it was a very difficult position to be in.”

How come it’s okay to wear everything else on our lapel? We’ve got breast cancer awareness ribbons, AIDS awareness ribbons, colon cancer awareness ribbons, awareness awareness ribbons and irritable bowel awareness ribbons — why not an “United States awareness” ribbon? Is it because “we” aren’t watching Couric’s newscast and she’s a little bitter?

Where's Waldo?

Earlier today I was flipping through one of the media trade magazines and ran across an ad for the annual Walter Kaitz Foundation “Expressions of Diversity” dinner. Here’s the goal of the Kaitz Foundation:

The Walter Kaitz Foundation was established in 1980 as a not-for profit organization with the purpose of diversifying the executive suites of the cable television industry with talented and qualified ethnic minorities.

This was accompanied by a picture taken at the 2006 dinner, and something struck me as mildly humorous. I found the same picture that is in the magazine on the Foundation’s website.

Click the picture for a larger version.

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Looks like they’ve got a ways to go before closing in on the Foundation’s stated goal, eh? That room’s about as diverse as the tee sheet at Augusta National Country Club.

Where’s Waldo?

Earlier today I was flipping through one of the media trade magazines and ran across an ad for the annual Walter Kaitz Foundation “Expressions of Diversity” dinner. Here’s the goal of the Kaitz Foundation:

The Walter Kaitz Foundation was established in 1980 as a not-for profit organization with the purpose of diversifying the executive suites of the cable television industry with talented and qualified ethnic minorities.

This was accompanied by a picture taken at the 2006 dinner, and something struck me as mildly humorous. I found the same picture that is in the magazine on the Foundation’s website.

Click the picture for a larger version.

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Looks like they’ve got a ways to go before closing in on the Foundation’s stated goal, eh? That room’s about as diverse as the tee sheet at Augusta National Country Club.

Panned Parenthood: Tragedy and Irony on Parade in Aurora

Hundreds of people whose parents didn’t abort them marched at a big Planned Parenthood rally in Aurora Illinois yesterday. Due to a scheduling conflict, Hillary was unable to show up wearing her famous “If abortions are outlawed, only outlaws will be allowed to screw around with my husband” t-shirt. Darn.

Here are a bunch of photos taken at the rally (all of the people in those pictures have one thing in common — guess what it is). This bunch has really gone over the edge since the Supreme Court upheld the ban on partial birth abortion — I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say “partial birth abortion” — that should read ”intact dilation and evacuation followed by nonviable tissue mass dumpster deposit.”

At the rally, calls for more funding for abortion were the order of the day, because apparently a woman can never be truly free until she is able to kill her baby with your money. Anything less violates the very tenet of liberal philosophy: If you’re paying for something with your own cash, you’re being oppressed.

The high-wire act they’re performing here is to be able to keep chanting “keep your laws and religion off our bodies” while simultaneously sticking their hands in your back pocket and not having that come off as laughable irony.

If you asked some of these people to give you money so you could have your dog put to sleep even though there was nothing wrong with Fido, you’d probably have PETA picketing in front of your house within the hour — but this is a “right”?

While we’re on the subject, what other “rights” require a victim? Just curious.

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