Hump-Day Bouillabaisse

Lots of news out there on this Wednesday morning and time is short, so I’ll try to sum it quickly:

–And the most influential pundit in America is…Roger Ebert? Thumbs down.

These guards at a nuclear power plant are anything but up & atom.

–As soon as Jesse Jackson gets back from Jena, Louisiana, Bill O’Reilly has some explaining to do. Get out yer checkbook, Bill. Just make it out to “Rainbow Coalition.”

Jorj Boosh has fo-NE-tik TELLI-promt — Oh, so then they actually spell it out as “nu-kew-ler” for him? I thought that was spontaneous, but I was wrong.

–Because of Kiefer Sutherland’s performance on a police breathalyzer test, the FOX network announced that their hit show “24” will now be called “.24”

–Finally — The DREAM Act: Illinois Rep. Dick Durbin wants joining the U.S. military to qualify illegals for legal status. Once in the military, Durbin can then compare then to Nazis operating gulags and said people will want to go back to where they came from. It’s a flawless plan really.

Also, any illegal will be granted permanent legal status and given a job as a border security officer provided they arrest themselves immediately after crossing into the U.S.

Bring Your Toothbrush, Ladies

Hillary Clinton is now using Bill to sell her presidential bid like he’s Corbin Bleu and her campaign is the cover of Tiger Beat magazine.

Here’s the latest: On Hillary’s website, if you enter by Sunday’s deadline, you might be one of three lucky winners chosen to sit down and “watch a debate with Bill.”

Hurry up and enter, because two of the winners have already been chosen:

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"Draft Gore" Petition Not Getting Enough Signatures, Climate Change to Blame

nullHere in Michigan, there’s a petition drive to get former veep and environmental crusader Al Gore on the ballot for the January 15th primary.

I saw one petitioner this afternoon on my way out of Home Depot. Unfortunately, I couldn’t sign the petition as I had my hands full with a new gas powered leaf blower.

Later on I found a news story that says the effort to collect the 12,396 signatures needed is indeed an uphill battle because they can’t find enough people to hawk the petition.

I don’t doubt it. It’s been unseasonably hot here in Michigan, and the petitioner I saw today was sweating like Larry Craig driving past a highway rest area. Standing in a parking lot collecting signatures just isn’t an experience that many wish to undertake.

In other words, if Gore doesn’t get on the ballot, global warming may well be to blame — which is of course all the more reason to draft Gore.

The Catch-22 here is too glaring to ignore.

“Draft Gore” Petition Not Getting Enough Signatures, Climate Change to Blame

nullHere in Michigan, there’s a petition drive to get former veep and environmental crusader Al Gore on the ballot for the January 15th primary.

I saw one petitioner this afternoon on my way out of Home Depot. Unfortunately, I couldn’t sign the petition as I had my hands full with a new gas powered leaf blower.

Later on I found a news story that says the effort to collect the 12,396 signatures needed is indeed an uphill battle because they can’t find enough people to hawk the petition.

I don’t doubt it. It’s been unseasonably hot here in Michigan, and the petitioner I saw today was sweating like Larry Craig driving past a highway rest area. Standing in a parking lot collecting signatures just isn’t an experience that many wish to undertake.

In other words, if Gore doesn’t get on the ballot, global warming may well be to blame — which is of course all the more reason to draft Gore.

The Catch-22 here is too glaring to ignore.

The John Edwards-ization of the Middle East

From the Times Online — Men lead rush to the beauty salon despite Islamist threats:

Midway through a society dinner party in the Pakistani capital, conversation turned to the recent deportation of Nawaz Sharif, the former Prime Minister, to Saudi Arabia.

“I couldn’t believe it, yah,” a young Pakistani woman said in an exaggerated English accent, as a servant refilled her glass of wine. “I mean, did you see those hair implants? They were so obvious.”

Ever since Mr Sharif reemerged into the political spotlight, Pakistanis have been gossiping about the appearance of a thin covering of black hair on his previously bald scalp. Most were amused. Some were appalled. But hardly anyone was surprised.

Hair implants have become commonplace here in the past few years as wealthier urban males embrace cosmetic treatments that were once regarded as effeminate and even unIslamic. From facials to manicures, back waxes to eyebrow threading, a host of services are now on offer at a growing number of spas, salons and clinics catering to the male market.

“I never bothered with this before,” Humayun, 28, said after a facial at the Islamabad branch of Depilex Men, part of the biggest chain of beauty parlours in Pakistan. “I guess there’s just more pressure on men to look good these days.”

Who will be the first to open a Pink Sapphire franchise in Pakistan? Time will tell.

One thing’s for sure — the war on terrorism could be taking a dramatic turn. John Edwards is clearly the leader the world needs at this time in our history. Zeitgeist!

Gay World Cup Underway, 28 Nations Cher in the Competition

The gay World Cup is underway in Buenos Aires.

In case you’re wondering, the gay World Cup in Argentina is just the same as the regular World Cup except that, instead of yelling “goaaalll!” when somebody scores, the announcer cranks up the soundtrack from Evita.

Otherwise the rules are the same as in any soccer match featuring straight players (pictured below):

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Monday's Column: On the Business Offensive

Today’s column at WorldNetDaily began with the news that Beaner’s Coffee, a large chain here in the midwest, would be changing their name, as “Beaner’s” can also be a disparaging term toward Hispanics.

This got me to looking around at the business world that surrounds us and trying to figure out what other potentially offending business names are right under our noses but have yet to be noticed.

Read “Beaner’s Coffee goes PC to avoid Hispanic offense” for the list of who might be next.

Update: The folks at Free Republic have some suggestions for other products and companies that have to change so nobody is offended. “Spic n Span”? Heh heh…

Email

Debbie P. sent me her own story:

Earlier this month I visited Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan and took a tour of the “Soo Locks”. One of the locks is named after Col. Orlando Poe – therefore making it the Poe Lock. Being of Polish decent I was deeply offended and hope that they change this immediately.

Oh the outrage!

Monday’s Column: On the Business Offensive

Today’s column at WorldNetDaily began with the news that Beaner’s Coffee, a large chain here in the midwest, would be changing their name, as “Beaner’s” can also be a disparaging term toward Hispanics.

This got me to looking around at the business world that surrounds us and trying to figure out what other potentially offending business names are right under our noses but have yet to be noticed.

Read “Beaner’s Coffee goes PC to avoid Hispanic offense” for the list of who might be next.

Update: The folks at Free Republic have some suggestions for other products and companies that have to change so nobody is offended. “Spic n Span”? Heh heh…

Email

Debbie P. sent me her own story:

Earlier this month I visited Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan and took a tour of the “Soo Locks”. One of the locks is named after Col. Orlando Poe – therefore making it the Poe Lock. Being of Polish decent I was deeply offended and hope that they change this immediately.

Oh the outrage!