Must Read of the Day: The Principal and the Yawper

In Georgia, a high school student wrote a deliciously satirical column in the school paper that sent the principle running around in a panic, ala Ed Rooney from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Justin Jones has now learned his most important lesson yet: Public school administrators have little understanding of, nor tolerance for, those who engage in satire — especially if it’s in the school paper:

Copies of Smoke Signals, the East Coweta High School newspaper , were impounded after student Justin Jones burlesqued Jonathon Swift’s 18th-century essay “A Modest Proposal” and managing editor Caitlyn VanOrden criticized the East Coweta Princess beauty pageant.

Jonathon Swift had lampooned complaints about the drag on the economy by poor Irish families. He wrote: “A young healthy child well nursed, is, at a year old, a most delicious nourishing and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled.”

Justin titled his piece “Another modest proposal” and suggested that the euthanasia of low-IQ students could alleviate the world’s woes. Principal Derek Pitts impounded 500 undistributed copies of Smoke Signals and told the staff that he wanted more positive and uplifting stories.

Here’s the entire piece. Check out what made the principle’s sphincter slam shut faster than the front door of an atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness walking up his driveway.

Young Justin is in the midst of discovering that the reason so many public school administrators are taking offense to his column is that, if Justin’s satire were reality, a great number of public school administrators would have to be euthanized.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: