With Endorsements Like This, You Don’t Need Enemies

Walter Mondale has endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. Just as soon as Hillary can reel in the coveted Michael Dukakis endorsement, she can begin measuring for curtains… back home in Chappaqua.

Outside of local politicians who inhabit coffee houses around the University of Wisconsin, accepting an endorsement from Walter Mondale is like buying anti-bacterial soap from Typhoid Mary.

Calling All Orkin Progressives

On one of the Sunday morning news programs that I watch to bide my time until kickoff, I heard yet another liberal describe himself as “progressive.”

“Progressive” is a word thrown about by those attempting to tag folks who disagree with their wants and whims as backwards, old fashioned, uneducated simpletons who are more than content with factory pollution and separate drinking fountains for blacks and whites (I’ve been to concerts where I wished there were separate bathrooms for conservatives and liberals, but I digress).

A “progressive” is, of course, one engaged in the promotion of “progress.” This is where the subjective meaning of the word runs away with itself.

Simply put, a colony of termites would consider themselves “progressives.” After all, they’re making constant progress on their assigned chore. To the homeowner, however, this is anything but “progress.”

As my wife and I discovered in a previous home we owned that had a termite problem, the Orkin man can make progress as well. We got rid of the termites, but it required constant maintenance to keep them away.

Based on this, I propose that we conservatives start referring to ourselves as a variation of “progressive” as well. “Orkin progressives.” And if we can get Orkin to sponsor us, all the better — this is no time to lose our capitalist instinct.

The left can’t be allowed sole proprietorship of the word “progress” and co-opt the definition. If we let them, the house that was once America will soon be a pile of sawdust.

To put my Orkin example in terms liberals can understand, simply substitute the termites with the owner of a blacktop company who believes he’s making tremendous “progress” in his quest to pave paradise and put up a parking lot.

The Clap: The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Looks like I’ll be able to do my Christmas shopping all in one place this year thanks to Giant Microbes:

Manufacturers are hoping their range of cuddly toy versions of microbes including gonorrhea and syphilis will be a hit for Christmas.

US company Giant Microbes has turned microscopic images of viruses and bugs, which also include malaria and mad cow disease, into soft toys.

Other viruses to cuddle up to include salmonella, ebola, acne, rabies, black death and the good old influenza virus, reports Metro.

Each 5-to-7 inch doll is accompanied by an image of the real microbe it represents, as well as information about the microbe.

Pick up the entire collection and make your child’s room resemble the bloodstream of a sailor on shore leave in Thailand.

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“Order now and receive absolutely free a cuddly and educational limited edition signature Pamela Anderson hepatitis-B DNA strand! (Tommy Lee sold separately)”

'Two Americas' Knocks Two Hillarys

Hillary’s double-speak and contradictory statements are going to catch up with her to comical proportions in the coming months. Below are two examples. The first is a John Edwards campaign ad that should have him waking up next to a horse’s head in coming days, followed by a cartoon by RJ Matson that sums up the latest Democrat group-humping of the leg of America disguised as a debate.

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Hillary’s defense to all this is “but I’m a girl!” As she almost always eventually contradicts herself, I don’t want to hear the follow-up to this one.

‘Two Americas’ Knocks Two Hillarys

Hillary’s double-speak and contradictory statements are going to catch up with her to comical proportions in the coming months. Below are two examples. The first is a John Edwards campaign ad that should have him waking up next to a horse’s head in coming days, followed by a cartoon by RJ Matson that sums up the latest Democrat group-humping of the leg of America disguised as a debate.

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Hillary’s defense to all this is “but I’m a girl!” As she almost always eventually contradicts herself, I don’t want to hear the follow-up to this one.

She's Got a Meal Ticket to Ride

Heather Mills is hopping on the liberal bandwagon (I know… I couldn’t help it) and proving that the job she’s really cut out for is that of U.S. Senator from Massachusetts, because she’s trying to sound personally virtuous in voicing her attempts to give away somebody else’s money:

On the offensive after 18 months of relative silence following the breakup of her marriage to Sir Paul McCartney, Heather Mills said in an interview Thursday that the union broke up in part over the ex-Beatle’s refusal to spend more of his fortune on charity.

This is why Mills is going to donate, in Paul’s name, all the millions she gets in the divorce settlement to charity. What? Oh…

She’s Got a Meal Ticket to Ride

Heather Mills is hopping on the liberal bandwagon (I know… I couldn’t help it) and proving that the job she’s really cut out for is that of U.S. Senator from Massachusetts, because she’s trying to sound personally virtuous in voicing her attempts to give away somebody else’s money:

On the offensive after 18 months of relative silence following the breakup of her marriage to Sir Paul McCartney, Heather Mills said in an interview Thursday that the union broke up in part over the ex-Beatle’s refusal to spend more of his fortune on charity.

This is why Mills is going to donate, in Paul’s name, all the millions she gets in the divorce settlement to charity. What? Oh…

Death of a Hero

nullRetired Brig. Gen. Paul Tibbets, Jr., who piloted the aircraft Enola Gay, that dropped the first atomic bomb used in war, has died. That in and of itself isn’t surprising, as he was 92 years old. Tibbets’ death will, however, give the left a fresh opportunity to be absolutely wrong yet again.

When you say “Fat Man and Little Boy” these days, you could be referring to Michael Moore and Dennis Kucinich, but 60 years ago, devices sporting those seemingly innocuous monikers caused historically unmatched destruction, and ended a long war.

Some don’t see it that way. Check out this story written for the Los Angeles Times on the death of Tibbets. They could barely wait until the third paragraph before writing this:

The pilot never apologized for unleashing the devastating explosive force and insidious nuclear radiation that leveled more than two-thirds of the buildings in Hiroshima and immediately killed at least 80,000 people.

It’s implied almost immediately that Tibbets should have apologized. He never did. He never even came close. This is something that was of constant irritation to the left. In journalism school these days, duty, honor and country are things that are taught in foreign language classes, which aren’t requirements to be an MSM reporter.

The above paragraph about the death of Tibbets reminds me of the numerous polls that were taken in 2005, on the 50th anniversary of the atomic bombing of Hiroshima. Polls everywhere asked, “Was it necessary?”

Isn’t it strange that we don’t often see polls on whether or not it was “necessary” to attack Pearl Harbor in 1941?

The arguments have been presented ad nauseum … there would have been millions of casualties on both sides in an allied invasion of mainland Japan. Not to sound rash (a qualifier that almost always precedes something so rash that it should only be read in close proximity to a tube of Desitin), but how is it that a quarter of a million-plus deaths in atomic bombings is more horrible than millions dying in the “regular” way? That seems to be the crux of the argument most often presented, and one that’s never made sense.

As you would expect, many of the critics of Truman’s decision and Tibbets’ action are right here in the United States. It’s for this reason that Paul Tibbets, Jr. requested no funeral service and no headstone. Tibbets didn’t want his funeral or gravesite to become a gathering place for protesters. That an American hero feels he can’t have a headstone in the very nation he helped save due to threats from the very people helped save should give us an uneasy feeling about the state of education in this country.

There are no more tiny islands in the South Pacific that are inhabited by Japanese soldiers who don’t know the war’s over, but there are still remote corners of academia where you can find leftist professors who still think their philosophies haven’t been completely discredited, and they gladly pass those along to their students.

The United States has been lucky — with the exception of 9-11, civilian deaths on the mainland America due to enemy action have been minimal. The geographic location of the United States made it tough for enemies of America to stage strikes on its soil. This isn’t due to lack of desire, but rather lack of ability.

Heavy criticism of America’s bombing of civilians implies that its WWII enemies instead focused on military rather than civilian targets (don’t tell that to the victims of the rape of Nanking or the other millions of Chinese civilians killed in the second Sino-Japanese War, or British victims of Germany’s Blitzkrieg), but the United States didn’t return the nicety.

Because of this, the American left may find it easy to look at the incendiary attacks on Dresden, carpet bombings on German and Japanese cities, and the nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki — millions of civilian casualties in all — and assume the United States was unfairly advantaged because Japan and Germany were unable to return the favor to Joe Sixpack in Boston, Los Angeles and Paducah.

The American victory in WW II violated the tenet of leftist philosophy: fairness. They’ve read and seen “Failsafe” so much that the only acceptable final ending to the U.S.-Japan war would have been for Henry Fonda to order American planes to nuke New York — just as soon as they were able to safely evacuate all the professors at Columbia.

The left’s frustration with WWII is that the outcome of the war wasn’t “fair.” To that I can only say this: thank God for cheaters like Paul Tibbets, Jr., and may he rest in peace.

Pelosi Press Conference on Recalled Chinese Toys

Below is a picture of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi describing some of the imported toys that have been recalled.

I’m posting this as a warning for you parents, because the collection of plastic you see in the photo can be very harmful, and you should instruct your children to stay away from this dangerous example of shoddy communist workmanship. Oh, tell ’em to avoid the toys, too.

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Brace For a Hillary Shocker

Rumors were flying in the blogosphere yesterday and this morning that the Los Angeles Times was sitting on a bombshell story regarding a sexual scandal involving a leading presidential candidate.

It was later speculated that the candidate is Hillary Clinton and the sexual affair involves her and her female assistant, Huma Abedin.

However, the Assistant Editorial Pages Editor for the Times says he’s heard nothing about this.

In other words, the fact that this is all still a “rumor” means that the real campaign shocker could still be looming out there. If this story goes nowhere, it’s time for the country to brace for a surprising and unexpected possibility: Hillary Clinton might be straight.