Totally Petarded: The Best of the Worst Liberal Quotes From 2007

The gem is in the New York Post today:

For the past 20 years, the Media Research Center has been compiling its list of notable quotables. The quotes, from prominent members of the mainstream news media, provide a clear window into the leftist mindset that pervades most of America’s large news organizations. At the end of the year, the center (helped by a panel of judges) chooses the best examples.

Here’s my personal favorite:

“Do you worry at all that non-believers may feel excluded and diminshed at a time when we’re divided by so much?”

– Katie Couric to “Nativity Story” director Catherine Hardwicke and screenwriter

Is it any wonder that Katie’s CBS Evening News ratings are routinely beaten by a test pattern on channel 672?

Here’s Dan Rather, a runner-up in the “Not biased enough” award category, explaining, in a roundabout way — I think — why he decided to become a comedian:

“Comedians, such as yourself, Jon Stewart and others, are a valuable supplement, and here’s why: Good journalism at its best frequently speaks truth to power. What’s happened with journalists — again, I don’t except myself from this criticism — in some ways we’ve lost our guts. We need a spine transplant. What’s happened is comedians, in their own way, speak truth to power and fill that vacuum that we in journalism have too often left, particularly post 9/11.”

— Dan Rather to Bill Maher on HBO’s Politically Incorrect

And if that fails, just get phony documents and run with it.

Sally Field, a runner-up in the “Barbra Streisand Political IQ Award for Celebrity Vapidity” category thinks she and her sexual ilk should be in complete control of the world:

“Let’s face it: If the mothers ruled the world, there would be no Goddamned wars in the first place.”

— Actress Sally Field at the Emmy awards

Oh, I don’t know about that, Sally. For example, how many wars in history have started simply because someone blasphemed? Besides that, hundreds of powerful women with either synched-up periods or going full-bore through menopause who are ticked off at their lazy husbands for watching too much football while their polished fingers are nervously tapping on the nuclear button — what could possibly go wrong?

The full list of winners, including some of the idiocy that is recorded for posterity, along with a comprehensive list of the runners-up, is here at the Media Research Center’s website.

Incidentally, the article in the Post is entitled “Hoist by their own petard.” How long will it be until one of the vacuous dingbats quoted castigates the Post for using a slur like “petard.”

Taking Offense at the Department of Defense

In the Washington Times, Bill Gertz discusses some of the U.S. Defense Department’s “outreach programs” for Muslim groups. Yeah, that’s right — outreach programs:

Stephen Coughlin, a specialist on Islamic law on the Joint Staff, met recently with Hasham Islam, Deputy Defense Secretary Gordon R. England’s close aide. The officials said Mr. Islam, a Muslim who is leading efforts for the Defense Department’s outreach to Muslim groups, sought to convince Mr. Coughlin to take a softer line on Islam and Islamic law elements that promote extremism.
[…]
Mr. Coughlin came under fire from pro-Muslim officials after a memorandum he wrote identified several groups that are being courted by Mr. Islam’s community outreach program as front organizations for the pro-extremist Muslim Brotherhood.

Wow, Stephen Coughlin sure is an affront to the United States, isn’t he? The SOB has the audacity to do his job? He’s got to go!

Remember when the only “outreach program” the Defense Department did involved B-52’s, missles and a hoard of highly trained Marines? Now when we’re attacked we send a platoon of school psychologists.

It’s clear that, instead of guns and bombs, political correctness is the greatest weapon the enemies of America have, and they intend to use it. That we’re allowing them to wield it freely is evidence that it’s time for new leadership from top to bottom.

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A child demonstrates how the Defense Department’s “outreach program” will work

(h/t LGF)

Planned Parenthood Puts Up Their Mitts

Planned Parenthood loved Mitt Romney back when he was pro-choice — but now that he’s wooing pro-lifers, PP is honoring Mitt with his own flip-flop clothing line:

Less than a week before the neck-and-neck race to finish first in the Iowa caucuses, Planned Parenthood has launched a line of “multiple choice Mitt” clothing including bibs, baby onesies and T-shirts that blast GOP candidate Mitt Romney’s “flip-flop” on abortion rights.

In a fitting tribute to the mission of Planned Parenthood, if someone orders a bib, onesie or t-shirt from PP, it will arrive sans baby. But don’t worry, staunch pro-choicers, they’ll still look fantastic on those spotted owls, chinchillas and snail darters you’re willing to lay your lives on the line to save in the name of human decency.

Below is a shirt that Romney may want to consider selling in order to reciprocate:

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Sir Edmund Hillary Clinton Knew Bhutto Best

Barack Obama’s advisor said the resurgence of Al Qaeda in Pakistan is the result of the US taking their eye off the ball by focusing on Iraq — thus blaming the Benazir Bhutto killing on Bush (as is mandatory), but also on Hillary Clinton. After all, Hillary voted for the Iraq war.

Clinton’s advisor responded by saying that discussing the political implications of the Bhutto assassination so soon was crass. So naturally, Hillary Clinton took the advice of her advisor by going out and talking about her friendship with Bhutto for reasons of political implications.

As Hillary spoke to a volunteer fire department in Denison, Iowa, discussing the time she met with Bhutto, the crowd could almost hear the Harry Nilsson tune “Best friend” — theme song to “Courtship of Eddie’s Father” — playing softly in the background.

At least Hillary stopped short of saying that she was named after Benazir’s father, Prime Minister Zulfikar Ali Bhutto (after all, you can’t spell “Hillary” without using the letters in his name, and by borrowing a “y” from Mary Ann Shadd Cary).

Meanwhile, Hillary, along with John Edwards and Barack Obama, called on Pakistanis to be undeterred in their quest to bring democracy and freedom to their country.

And I sure hope Pakistan heeds that advice — as I’ll need a free and democratic nation to move to in case Clinton, Edwards or Obama are elected and put the U.S. on an even faster track to becoming a socialist hog trough.

'It's a bird. It's a plane. It's… Bureaucrat Man!'

Here’s something that is just begging to be mocked:

UNITED NATIONS, Dec. 27 (UPI) — Marvel Comics and the United Nations are teaming up to create comic books to show superheroes working with the agency to rid the world of conflict and disease.

Yes, that’s right! Join the blue-helmeted stupor-heroes as they travel the world in Jimmy Carter’s peanut submarine, working tirelessly to keep their headquarters in steady cash-flow by helping good and evil find common ground, ways to compromise, and, most importantly, the checkbook so they can all pay their U.N. dues.

U.N. Stupor-heroes will probably include the following:

The Compact Fluorescent Flash
Captain Anti-America
Iron Curtain Man
Batman and Robbin’ (convincingly portrayed by Kofi Annan and his son)
Marvel’s Appeasers
The Mighty Thor-azine
Captain Carbon Credit
SuperBan
The Green, Solar-Powered Lantern
And of course, The Human Torch — who came into existence as a result of global warming and is a member, along with Captain Carbon Credit, of the famed stupor-hero quartet, The Fantastic Gore. Travelling the world in his private, supersonic 727, The Human Torch battles gas-powered leaf blowers that are hell-bent on destroying the planet.

‘It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s… Bureaucrat Man!’

Here’s something that is just begging to be mocked:

UNITED NATIONS, Dec. 27 (UPI) — Marvel Comics and the United Nations are teaming up to create comic books to show superheroes working with the agency to rid the world of conflict and disease.

Yes, that’s right! Join the blue-helmeted stupor-heroes as they travel the world in Jimmy Carter’s peanut submarine, working tirelessly to keep their headquarters in steady cash-flow by helping good and evil find common ground, ways to compromise, and, most importantly, the checkbook so they can all pay their U.N. dues.

U.N. Stupor-heroes will probably include the following:

The Compact Fluorescent Flash
Captain Anti-America
Iron Curtain Man
Batman and Robbin’ (convincingly portrayed by Kofi Annan and his son)
Marvel’s Appeasers
The Mighty Thor-azine
Captain Carbon Credit
SuperBan
The Green, Solar-Powered Lantern
And of course, The Human Torch — who came into existence as a result of global warming and is a member, along with Captain Carbon Credit, of the famed stupor-hero quartet, The Fantastic Gore. Travelling the world in his private, supersonic 727, The Human Torch battles gas-powered leaf blowers that are hell-bent on destroying the planet.

A Betty Ford Clinic for Jihadoholics?

The Ministry of the Interior in Saudi Arabia runs a “rehabilitation program” for what CBC News describes as “extremists” — a word that I think is safe to change to its more precise meaning: Terrorists and would-be terrorists.

The “demographic” of the rehab facility is a term that has a “Cub-Scouts-meets-Al Qaeda” ring to it — “junior jihadis.”

How do you go about reforming a Junior Jihadi? Here are a few of the 12-steps:

The rehabilitation program involves art therapy and attending religious education classes, psychological classes and reconnecting with family members.
[…]
Al Haer is equipped with what Mardini calls “mating rooms”, for conjugal visits. They are furnished with double beds and comfortable chairs. Prisoners are allowed two 24-hour conjugal visits each month.

Arts, crafts, family connections, free psychological help and 48 hours of sex a month? If this doesn’t make the JJ’s have a new appreciation for us infidels — not to mention Congress — nothing will.

I guarantee you that somewhere in the United States there is, at this very moment, a liberal professor embedded deeply in a university office on some campus working diligently on study that will prove that terrorism isn’t a choice, but rather a disease for which we must have more compassion for the afflicted parties.

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Connecting the junior jihadi to positive influences is one of the keys in breaking the terrorism addiction, according to the Saudi Ministry of the Interior. Above we see a junior jihadi being put back on the path of righteousness thanks to the strong bond shared by family

Update: These rehab clinics are popping up too late to save the likes of Benazir Bhutto and at least 20 others. Bhutto assassinated in Pakistan.