Global Warming's Potential Upsides

Since I’m in a “glass is half full” mood today, for a little while, I’m going to eliminate any negativity and focus on the positive.

Here’s a brief quote from a Michigan State University study on how divorce contributes to global warming:

Their report in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences said divorced couples consume 61 percent more resources per person than before they separated, create 50 percent more waste, use 55 percent more electricity and 61 percent more gasoline, and spend 46 percent more on electricity and 56 percent more on water.

If conservatives play this properly, we could begin using what will come to be the biggest hoax of the 21st century to our advantage and maybe get Al Gore and the powder-puff globalist bureaucratic cluster-humps at the U.N. to ultimately run away from their own “theory” while screaming in fear.

Based on the MSU report, one way to “combat” global warming is to promote family values that keep spouses together and with their children — this is done by supporting churches, lower taxes so families aren’t financially stressed (finance is one of the leading causes of divorce), ending abortion and an effective fight against crime that can tear families apart. Earth saved! Well only partly — this is why we need to do even more.

What’s something else we could promote that would make the enviro-left fall into a trap of their own making? Oh yes, another way to “save the environment” would be to home school. That’s right — home school!

Fossil fuel is the enemy of mankind. It burns dirty, spews its smoky bilge into the air (especially when traveling to conferences on global warming), clogs our lungs, causes global warming, and yes, even strengthens hurricanes.

School buses alone burn hundreds of millions of gallons of diesel fuel every year, which is harmful to the environment, not to mention the fact that our children stand next to those idling smokestacks, loading their lungs with more toxic gunk than they’d inhale riding in Willie Nelson’s tour bus with the windows up. With home schooling, there is no need for ruining the environment by running all those nasty buses.

We also need to ban personal injury trial attorneys. Chasing ambulances accounts for countless thousands of pounds of carbon injected into our atmosphere every year. How long are we willing to witness the disappearance of the polar ice caps just so John Edwards has the means to buy another energy-hogging, deforesting mansion?

You know, if we play this right, “global warming” could work out to our advantage.

Speaking of saving the planet, does anybody know how much greenhouse gas is put into the atmosphere by the IRS on collection junkets?


Environmental rapist

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: