Each year, a group called the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch puts together a “Wacky warning label contest.” The contest is co-sponsored, of course, by slip n’ fall trial attorneys everywhere.

Below are a few of the winners with running (without scissors, of course) commentary.

It’s always advisable to “avoid death,” but judging from what’s happening in this drawing of a small tractor and its driver, I’m guessing the field isn’t the only thing that’s plowed:

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A few lawsuits from some freshly skin-grafted morons later, and we have this label on iron on t-shirt patches:

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We’re not even supposed to put kids in the storage bags on mall strollers? Come on! It’s just like being in the womb, except pleather and filthy:

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When opening a letter, make sure to have protection in case you suffer a massive spasm while trying to get to your cable bill:

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Detroit radio host Dick Purtan demonstrates the proper way to operate a letter opener (what? No gloves and kevlar helmet?):

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Below is my favorite from last year’s batch of winners, which comes to us courtesy of plaintiff Harold “the human torch” Headblaze, a man who the manufacturer has been court-ordered to ensure is often immolated, never duplicated:

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Are these labels helping save people and depriving the world of some Darwin Award winners? Doubtful. If you need to be told not to light a match near gasoline, odds are you’re not much of a reader.

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