To the left we see our “Saturday Stupid” mascot, Klem Kadiddlehopper, who’s ready to kick off this week’s edition, so let’s get going, Klem:
–In Ft. Worth, Texas, a mother was kicked off a city bus for reading the Bible to her children. It was the right thing to do, because they were a huge distraction a group of Muslims who were trying to bow toward Mecca. The bus driver, for offering encouragement to a family to walk instead of burn fossil fuels, was awarded the Al Gore Award for Environmental Stewardship.
–The Old Farmers Almanac is conducting a straw poll on who should win the New Hampshire primary. It’s shocking, absolutely shocking, to discover that Ron Paul is beating the pants off all other Republicans. If Paul supporters would spend half as much time trying to get their candidate actual votes as they do online voting over and over and over again in Internet polls, they might get somewhere.
–Remember the Christmas Day tiger attack at the San Francisco Zoo that killed one and injured two? Sounds like it was less a case of zoo negligence and more a prime example of how you win a Darwin Award.
–Al Qaeda is recruiting more female suicide bombers. Expect a massive coordinated attack just as soon as all their periods get synched up.
–Stephen Coughlin, a Pentagon expert on Islamic law and Islamist extremism, has been fired for his opposition to a “Muslim outreach program” being conducted by the Department of Defense. Coughlin identified some of the groups being courted by the DoD as fronts for Muslim extremist groups. Imagine the unmitigated gall! If this particular DoD were around during WWII, they’d cancel the Manhattan Project and try to defeat the Japanese by promising to buy each of them a Benihana franchise.
—“5150 y’all!” Britney Spears went nuts, held her kids hostage and lip synced her demands to police during a standoff. As a parent I find this tragic on many levels, not the least of which is the fact that the “pride and joy” of the family is now a knocked-up 16-year-old.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled weekend.