For some reason I’ve been thinking about the Lao Tzu quote, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for life.”

I began to wonder how that quote would have to be altered based on each of the Republican and Democrat presidential candidates — along with some of the more obscure parties — general philosophies.

Here’s my best shot at it:

John McCain: “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Regulate fishing and tax bait with your good friends on the other side of the aisle, and the government gets revenue for life.”

Barack Obama: “Convince the man that not fishing is ‘change,’ then he’ll never know you don’t know anything about fishing.”

Mike Huckabee: “Give a man a fish, but not donuts. That’s how I got so fat a while back.”

Hillary Clinton: “Give a man the tail of a fish that you took from a guy who knows how to fish. Filet the rest, regulate filets, sell them for twice what they’re worth, and use a little of the money you made to pay schools to teach people to catch you more fish. Then give that first guy Ramen noodles to eat. Do that every day and you’ve fed him for life.”

Ron Paul: “Give a man a fish domestically, feed him for a day. Give a man a fish overseas, and you’ll destabalize the dollar, the price of a fishing pole will triple, and nobody will be able to afford the fishing class you were going to use to teach people to fish.”

Libertarian Party: “Stop teaching the man to fish. That’s his father’s job.”

Socialist Party: “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Give a lot of people fish every day, and you’ve got ‘em by the balls.”

Communist Party: “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Shoot the man and you don’t have to feed him at all.”

Green Party: “Feed fish to a man and you’re a murderer!”

Monarch Party: “Tell ‘em that’s fish they’re eating — they’ll believe it.”

Feel free to add to the list if you can think of more.

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