nullThe return of “Saturday Stupid” of course means the return of Klem Kadiddlehopper, our fearless, witless mascot.

Here are a few news items that begged to be featured on “Saturday Stupid”:

–The president of Turkmenistan fired 30 journalists, directors, camera operators and technical staff from a state television station because a cockroach ran across the desk during a nightly news program. Leave it to commies to see a cockroach and fire everybody except the exterminator.

–Willie Nelson wants Bush impeached because he thinks the president will do anything to stay in power, including staging an event to cancel the election. Unfortunately, Willie doesn’t seem to realize that if Bush goes, the IRS still stays. Don’t bogart the redbud, Willie.

–John McCain turned a potentially harmful story by the New York Times into a call-to-arms for Republicans and as a result is raking in more campaign cash as the GOP circles the wagons to protect one of their own against a liberal institution. Let’s not forget that the Times endorsed McCain. Can you hear McCain and Pinch Sulzberger laughing and back-slapping behind closed doors? I can.

–There was a group in Iraq called the “Happy Family Clowns” that existed to “put smiles on the faces of Iraqi children.” The group started getting death threats, but kept performing. Later, two of them were murdered, and the remaining three have fled Iraq, leaving that country with a tremendous shortage of clowns. Fret not, Iraqis — you’re probably due for another visit from members of U.S. Congress soon.

–Speaking of clowns, a helicopter carrying Sens. Kerry, Biden and Hagel made an emergency landing in Afghanistan last week. As Senator Kerry cleared some room on his mantle so he can display his new Purple Heart, aviation experts concluded the emergency landing occurred because the craft was grossly overweight with egos.

–Hard time: Steve Warshak, who owns the company that sells “Enzyte” male enhancement pills, was found guilty of fraud and could spend 20 years in prison. I’d rather run through a car wash carrying a plugged in toaster than be this guy.

–Michelle Obama’s senior thesis at Princeton was on “racial divide.” Democrats start training them young, don’t they?

–Ben & Jerry of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream have endorsed Barack Obama and created a “Cherries for Change” flavor. Hey, it was either that or “Chocolate/Vanilla Swirl.”

–In this battle, I’ll take God with the points: The National Football League has changed its rules to allow churches to stage Super Bowl events and parties without fear of violating copyright laws. It’s a good thing, too, because the churches were about to retaliate by saying NFL players were violating their copyright laws every time a player thanked God for a victory.

–And finally, nothing says “it’s time for the Oscars” like Lauren Hutton giving photographers the finger.

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