Monthly Archives: March 2008

Hillary Dodges Sniper Fire from Bill Maher

Bill Maher can push the needle on the lib-meter to the “Olbermann” level, but at least he doesn’t believe in a 9/11 conspiracy, and he certainly has Hillary’s number.

Below is part of Maher’s monolog on Hillary Clinton, taken from a recent “Real Time.”

If you don’t have time to watch the three minute clip, there are three highlights:

“Why would you lie about getting shot at? What is she, Fifty-Cent?”

“Hillary: Get elected or lie trying.”

“Hillary said that if Obama’s pastor had been her pastor, she’d have walked out of that church. But she did say that if her pastor had been blown by Monica Lewinsky, she’d have stayed.”

This is the non-bleeped version, so don’t crank this up around sensitive types:

Yahoo! for Women

Good news, ladies — you’ll soon have another website pandering to you:

Yahoo Inc. on Monday launched a site for women between ages 25 and 54, calling it a key demographic underserved by current Yahoo properties.

Yahoo! said the new site for women will be called HooHa! Just kidding… it’s called “Honey, what are you thinking?” Okay, I was kidding again… it’s called “Shine.” Really, it is.

Monday’s Column: TSA Boobery

Today’s column at WorldNetDaily revolves around a woman who is suing the government’s Transportation and Security Agency after being told to remove her nipple rings before boarding a flight in Texas.

Were the skies made safer that day? Give a read to the column that I believe sets my new record for movie references, “Piercing boobs at the TSA.”

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“Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left…”

Bushball

George W. Bush threw out the opening pitch at Nationals Park in Washington on Sunday. The president “brought the heat,” which will only make Gore more certain than ever that Bush is responsible for global warming.

When you’re a lightning rod like Bush is, you know you’re going to get thumped with boos whenever you appear before a random crowd, but in spite of that, the guy can still hurl a good pitch from the top of the hill — and not from halfway to the plate like some politicians.

Remember the thunderous applause and cheers in unity that Bush got before throwing out the first pitch for the Yankees/Mariners World Series game shortly after 9/11? A lot has changed since then, but not the arm:

Earth Hour Spies

Last night, between 8 and 9 p.m., was “Earth Hour” — yet another idiotic exercise in pointless symbolism that’s really designed to test how many of us will do whatever some liberal wingnuts say. I can only hope they were horribly disappointed.

We were supposed to turn off all our lights for an hour. I turned all of mine on, and every television in the house was also fired up. Whoever schedules “lights out” during the Kids Choice Awards and the NCAA basketball tournament is an absolute moron.

The fact that I turn off all my lights every night between about 11 p.m. and 6 a.m. doesn’t earn me any environmental points for some reason.

But just because you may have chosen not to participate doesn’t mean nobody knew about it — especially in Canada.

Here’s a post from the Green Party of Canada blog:

Between 8 and 9 tonight, I’ll be doing what I usually do at that time: I’ll be out with my wife walking our two dogs 5km around our small town.

Tonight, however, I’ll be looking at my neighbours’ windows to see which ones are participating in Earth Hour. I’ll be noting those houses and when the election campaign comes, I’ll be knocking on those doors. I’ll be armed with the knowledge that these are environmentally aware and concerned people and they are prime targets for a GPC campaign.

So just because some poor guy might have decided to go to bed early or to take a nap means that some intrusive freak is going to think he’s a fellow traveler and bother him come election time? Yet another reason to turn all your lights on for the next “Earth Hour.”

And if any of these nosy doofuses stops by to tell us to turn our lights off, let’s make sure that it is indeed lights-out… for the eco-Kravitz.

(h/t “A dime a dozen” blog)

Piercing the TSA Boob Farm

As an occasional air traveler, a bit of experience swimming in the tepid dimwit pool has turned me into a “Transportation Security Agency” skeptic, to say the least.

Here’s a story I ran across earlier in the week that addresses part of the reason why the TSA is a joke.

This is funny (read: “pathetic”) on so many levels:

A Texas woman who said she was forced to remove a nipple ring with pliers in order to board an airplane called Thursday for an apology by federal security agents and a civil rights investigation.

“I wouldn’t wish this experience upon anyone,” Mandi Hamlin said at a news conference. “My experience with TSA was a nightmare I had to endure. No one deserves to be treated this way.”

I think we all owe the TSA a big thanks for finally putting the collar on the dreaded Tittybomber. All our areolaplanes are now safer.

Is there precedent for this? I mean, if the TSA could at least point to an example where a terrorist hijacked a plane to Istanbul with a nipple ring, then maybe I’d understand.

In the meantime, as five TSA employees tended to this one stupid incident, keep in mind how many people were not being watched. Bin Laden could have strode on past, but the TSA was busy monitoring Penny Pincushion removing her rings.

Conversely, Hamlin’s attorney, the idiotically ubiquitous attention whore Gloria Allred, said that her client was publicly humiliated.

Publicly humiliated? Consider that this is a woman who once entered a tattoo/piercing parlor, took off her shirt and put her naked rack on a card table while a total stranger, who’s perhaps covered in cheap tattoos and goes by the name “Stinkfist,” poked holes in her nipples and used a ball-peen hammer to tap pieces of metal through them. Given that, you’d think her humiliation threshold would be just a tad higher.

But anyway, thanks to the TSA, another crisis has been averted!

Still wanted for questioning:

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Hillary’s Puerto Rican Pageantry

Fifty-five delegates are up for grabs in the June 1st Democrat primary in the U.S. Caribbean territory, and Hillary has a golden opportunity to do some schmoozing:

A spokesman for Hillary Clinton says the Democratic presidential hopeful will pose a question to a contestant in the Miss World Puerto Rico pageant via a prerecorded video.

Spokesman Angel Urena says Clinton was invited to participate by pageant organizers and had a lot of fun recording the question. Urena did not say Wednesday what the question will be in Thursday night’s pageant.

Isn’t it great that a life-long radical feminist (who has been forced to camouflage it for a few years for political expediency) has been reduced to asking questions at a beauty contest?

Don’t think for a second that Hillary isn’t watching every episode of Chico and the Man and all the Sanford and Son shows that featured Fred and Lamont’s neighbor, Julio, so as to perfect a new condescendingly phony accent.

ExUrbanLeague.com has ten suggestions for questions that Hillary should ask the contestants. Here’s my favorite:

3) “My husband hasn’t been hanging out in your dressing room has he?”

Is The Goracle the Saviour of the DNC?

As Al Gore appears on “60 Minutes” and says — with the typical liberal melodramatic tolerance level for other views — that global warming skeptics are not unlike flat-earthers, there are also rumblings about Gore jumping in to save the Democrats from a nasty brawl at the convention and claiming the nomination for himself.

Here’s Joe Klein’s piece in Time Magazine: Is Gore the answer? Well, Joe, it depends on what the question is.

I really do hope the Goracle jumps in to save the day. After all the hype about a woman or a black man running president, the wild unpredictability must have the Dem leadership nearly incontinent in their longing for the solace and comfort that only a pasty white bloated hypocrite can provide.

In closing, if Al Gore believes the world is round, I’m starting to seriously doubt the Copernican philosophy to which I’ve subscribed for so long.

There Was a 2nd Gunman!

For a change, the above theory isn’t about the murder of JFK, but rather RFK’s assassination.

Some people now believe there was a second gunman on the lettucy roll in the kitchen of the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles in 1968.

From ABC News:

Two forensic scientists have added their names to the list of people who don’t believe Sirhan Sirhan acted alone when he shot Democratic presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy in 1968.

I always thought the name “Sirhan Sirhan” was a dead giveaway that there was, at the very least, more than one Sirhan involved.