The Undouchables: Eliot Mess Tries to Clean Up Chicago, One Baggie at a Time

Rest easy Windy City dwellers, for the streets of Chicago just got a little safer:

Tiny plastic bags used to sell small quantities of heroin, crack cocaine, marijuana and other drugs would be banned in Chicago, under a crackdown advanced Tuesday by a City Council committee.

Violators of the baggie ban will be punished by a $1,500 fine. I repeat: If you’re caught in the city of Chicago with a tiny f*#@*$g baggie, even if it’s empty or holding small screws from a hardware store or whatever, you’ll be fined $1,500. Ah the sweet smell of freedom.

Attempting to get rid of drugs by banning baggies is like addressing the obesity rate by outlawing Whopper wrappers.

Hopefully Chicago doesn’t ban the really big plastic bags — I mean, where would they put all the murder victims who were left defenseless by the Chicago City Council’s innane and counterproductive gun laws?

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: