Jackie and Dunlap, just a couple of average Republican voters, would like for the Democrats to hurry up and choose a candidate so they know who they’re going to vote against. I agree. They also suggest a slogan for the apparent GOP nominee: “F*#k it: McCain in ’08″. I agree with that as well. Here’s […]

Who would you rather have in the White House answering the phone at 3 a.m. if a crisis broke out in the world? That was the question posed by Hillary’s “3 a.m. phone call” ad. According to the sequel to the “3 a.m. phone call” ad, if Hillary wins, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll be […]

There’s a rather large sect of people out there (here’s just one) who believe that the 16th Amendment was never properly ratified in 1913, and therefore they are not compelled legally to pay income taxes. Every person I know of who has put this belief into action has ended up in jail — at the […]

German Talis, a 22-year-old man who just wants the world to be a more peaceful place, did his part — by punching a wheelchair bound girl who has cerebral palsy outside a book signing attended by Laura and Jenna Bush. The girl’s crime? She’s a Laura Bush fan. You’d have to find a guy who’s […]

I know the government has a big say in how professional sports operates, but I had no idea they’d taken full charge. That’s the only way to explain this bit of NHL idiocy… Tonight the Detroit Red Wings play the Colorado Avalanche in game 1 of the 2nd round of the NHL playoffs. At Joe […]

Last weekend, U.S. Congressional candidate Tony Zirkle, a Republican, gave a speech at an event sponsored by the Nationalist Socialist Workers Party who were celebrating Adolf Hitler’s birthday. It was a cute event — a stripper dressed as Josef Goebbels popped out of a cake and tried to kill a busboy suspected of supporting Zionism. […]

According to the LA Times, campaign records show that actor Roy Scheider made a donation to the Obama for President campaign on March 10th. Scheider died on February 10th. This is either evidence that the mail was really slow that time of year, or that Obama’s campaign is embracing traditional values… of Chicago politicians.

Newt Gingrich has joined forces with Nancy Pelosi in urging us to sign on to WeCanSolveIt.org and help fight climate change. The site features a pathetically flowery photo of Oprah worshipping Al Gore, who has somehow managed to become the Ravi Shankar of new millennium junk science. Global warming is so imminent that Gore’s movie, […]

Until, from the midst of this darkness, a sudden light broke in upon me, a light so brilliant and wonderous, and yet so simple. Change the poles from plus to minus and from minus to plus. I alone succeeded in discovering the secret of bestowing life. Nay, even more, I myself became capable of bestowing […]

There’s only one thing for certain: I’m not going to be the first one to take a bite of this stuff: The animal rights group PETA is putting up a million dollar reward for anyone who by 2012 can grow in-vitro meat that looks and tastes like the real thing. “In-vitro meat production would use […]

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