Jackie & Dunlap’s Red State Update: Thoughts on the Pennsylvania Primary

Jackie and Dunlap, just a couple of average Republican voters, would like for the Democrats to hurry up and choose a candidate so they know who they’re going to vote against. I agree.

They also suggest a slogan for the apparent GOP nominee: “F*#k it: McCain in ’08”. I agree with that as well.

Here’s the rest of the Red State Update for this week:

Wesley Snipes’ Next Three Years Will Be Taxing

There’s a rather large sect of people out there (here’s just one) who believe that the 16th Amendment was never properly ratified in 1913, and therefore they are not compelled legally to pay income taxes.

Every person I know of who has put this belief into action has ended up in jail — at the very least. It’s a big controversy. I don’t think I’ve written a column that got more circulation than “Free Ed and Elaine Brown,” but for the most part I look at tax avoiders and wonder, “What are you thinking?” It’s hard enough to fight the government, but it’s damn near impossible to do it from prison.

Actor Wesley Snipes became the latest in a long line of examples of this, and he was sentenced to three years in prison yesterday.

Is income tax unlawful? Answering that question first requires solving a somewhat separate issue, which is this: Sometimes it doesn’t matter what is legal or illegal, but rather what the government thinks is legal or illegal. The latter is a much larger problem than just 16th Amendment interpretations.

When Anti-War Morons Attack: Beyond Contempt Edition

German Talis, a 22-year-old man who just wants the world to be a more peaceful place, did his part — by punching a wheelchair bound girl who has cerebral palsy outside a book signing attended by Laura and Jenna Bush.

The girl’s crime? She’s a Laura Bush fan.

You’d have to find a guy who’s robbing Alzheimer’s patients and dropping them off in the middle of nowhere to witness the equivalent of Mr. Talis’s moral fortitude.

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Threat to peace, pictured above, was temporarily beat down thanks to brave and selfless anti-war activist

Bureaucratized Octopussies Ruining the NHL

nullI know the government has a big say in how professional sports operates, but I had no idea they’d taken full charge. That’s the only way to explain this bit of NHL idiocy…

Tonight the Detroit Red Wings play the Colorado Avalanche in game 1 of the 2nd round of the NHL playoffs. At Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, the atmosphere will be slightly quelled.

There’s a tradition in Detroit of throwing an octopus on the ice during the playoffs (in the days the tradition started, it took eight playoff wins to claim the Cup, and octopus has… you get the symbolic point…). When that happens, Al Sobotka, the Joe Louis Arena Zamboni driver, goes out to remove the creature from the ice, and as he exits he swings it over his head, much to the delight of the roaring crowd.

As Mitch Albom points out in a column in today’s Detroit Free Press, Sobotka has now been prohibited from swinging the octopus over his head as he removes it from the ice — and if he does, he faces a $10,000 fine from the NHL.

Why? The NHL told the Free Press the reason: “Because matter flies off the octopus and gets on the ice when he does it.”

So… it’s dangerous? God forbid a player trip over a chunk of tentacle on his way to crack somebody’s head open with a high-stick. Here’s a video of the famous 1997 Colorado/Detroit brawl — and another from 1998. Good thing there wasn’t any octopus on the ice or somebody may have gotten hurt!

What a joke.

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Bits of octopus on the ice could pose a danger to the players, according to the NHL

Worst Campaign Idea Ever? Really?

Last weekend, U.S. Congressional candidate Tony Zirkle, a Republican, gave a speech at an event sponsored by the Nationalist Socialist Workers Party who were celebrating Adolf Hitler’s birthday. It was a cute event — a stripper dressed as Josef Goebbels popped out of a cake and tried to kill a busboy suspected of supporting Zionism.

In the report about Zirkle’s speech, it was asked if this was the “worst campaign idea ever.”

Here’s Zirkle speaking to the gathered wrong. I’m no expert political advisor, but this might be the kind of thing your opponent could use against you:

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But… is this the worst campaign idea ever?

I’d have to say no, because I don’t think anything will ever dethrone this:

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The only way this photo could have been worse would have been if Dukakis was on the tank with a bunch of Nazis celebrating Adolf Hitler’s birthday.

Et tu, Newt?

Newt Gingrich has joined forces with Nancy Pelosi in urging us to sign on to WeCanSolveIt.org and help fight climate change. The site features a pathetically flowery photo of Oprah worshipping Al Gore, who has somehow managed to become the Ravi Shankar of new millennium junk science.

Global warming is so imminent that Gore’s movie, An Inconvenient Truth, had to resort to using footage from the fictional movie The Day After Tomorrow, but Newt’s on board nonetheless.

Below is the Gingrich/Pelosi ad, with the alternate title: “How to make conservatives hate Newt Gingrich in 30 easy seconds.”

The conservative revolution of ’94 now seems like it was so long ago that it never happened, doesn’t it?

h/t HotAir

Pennsylvania Resurrects Hillary

nullUntil, from the midst of this darkness, a sudden light broke in upon me, a light so brilliant and wonderous, and yet so simple.

Change the poles from plus to minus and from minus to plus. I alone succeeded in discovering the secret of bestowing life. Nay, even more, I myself became capable of bestowing animation upon lifeless matter.

The above dialog is from Young Frankenstein, but it could have been written for Hillary’s voters in Pennsylvania, who have reanimated nearly dead political tissue.

I’d have expected a state with communist liquor laws to go for Hillary, but yesterday’s primary was a big win for her. Obama’s fading, but maybe not fast enough for Hillary — she’s still down by well over 100 delegates.

The fight will go all the way to the convention now, a show that will make WWE Raw look like a Cub Scout meeting.

However, if many more of Obama’s friends like these keep surfacing, he might be in trouble. And when you have friends who are worse than the Clintons’ friends, that’s saying something.

Show PETA Your In-Vitro Meat, Win $1 Million

There’s only one thing for certain: I’m not going to be the first one to take a bite of this stuff:

The animal rights group PETA is putting up a million dollar reward for anyone who by 2012 can grow in-vitro meat that looks and tastes like the real thing.

“In-vitro meat production would use animal stem cells that would be placed in a medium to grow and reproduce. The result would mimic flesh and could be cooked and eaten,” People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) said in a statement.

The million-dollar reward will go to the participant who manages by 2012 to put test-tube chicken into commercial production and successfully sell it in at least 10 US states at a competitive price.

Oh sure man, but who speaks for the in-vitro meat?

I’m going to take them up on the challenge. My company, “Sam & Ella’s ‘I can’t believe it’s not chicken'” is going home with this prize!

Frankly I think PETA’s a little behind the curve. Synthetic chicken? Already been done:

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