Denmark’s Full of Jerks This Weekend

I was looking for something to take our minds off politics this weekend, and dang if I didn’t find a rather disgusting distraction in Denmark.

It’s a long road as far as preparation goes, but this is when the decades of training and dedication finally pays off:

ISHOJ , Denmark, May 30 (UPI) — Organizers of Denmark’s first “Masturbate-a-thon,” set to be held at a suburban Ishoj nightclub, say more than 60 men and women are registered to compete.

The organizers said participants will masturbate in front of the assembled crowd and will then be judged in several categories — including farthest ejaculation and longest orgasm — the Copenhagen Post reported Friday.

Pia Struck, the organizer of the competition, said she studied under renowned author and sexologist Betty Dodson.

This is something some people have to study for? I guess this is the reason there are instructions on shampoo bottles, because most of us figured it out on our own. Imagine how good we’d be at it if we had masturbation’s version to Mr. Miyagi — a stroke Sensei, if you will, to guide us through the intricacies of the event.

How’d you like to be the tape measure guy at this thing? That runway must be even more disgusting than the Slip n Slide at Elton John’s summertime “beat the heat” party.

If you attend this competition as a spectator, sure, you might get a chance to meet Pee Wee Herman and George Michael, but I’d highly suggest wearing your “going to sit in the first few rows at a Gallagher concert” attire:


Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: