Environmentally Friendly Bombs: The Future of Gore War

Have you ever said to yourself, “Gee, I’d like to drop a bomb and obliterate that town while killing and maiming thousands, but I’m concerned about the negative effect it will have on global warming. What should I do?”

Well, as the story “Environmentally friendly bombs planned” points out, your worries could be over:

New explosives could be more powerful and safer to handle than TNT and other conventional explosives and would also be more environmentally friendly.
[…]
To make safer, more environmentally friendly explosives, scientists in Germany turned to a recently explored class of materials called tetrazoles. These derive most of their explosive energy from nitrogen instead of carbon as TNT and others do.

Scientists in Germany are working on bombs again? If this doesn’t make Poland jumpy, nothing will.

Here’s what should be done to make bombs even “greener.”

First, when there’s some bombing to be done, there will be an initial explosion to level the target area and kill all the human beings in it — they do nothing but ruin the environment anyway.

The exploded ordinance will of course meet Gore standards — no asbestos (so those near target zones don’t get mesothelioma), no materials culled from rainforests, the explosion must be triggered by clean-burning ethanol, the pilot of the plane dropping the bomb is a vegetarian, etc.

After the initial green explosion, a follow-up bomb dropped from the same hybrid airplane will detonate 5,000 feet over the target zone and spread tree seeds. This way the attack acts as its own carbon offset.

In the future, war will have us all breathing easier.

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EQUALS:

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Phoenix Descending: Coolest Picture of the Week

This picture was taken by a satellite orbiting Mars. It’s the Phoenix spacecraft parachuting to the surface of the Red Planet. Awesome geek porn:

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Here are some more pictures taken from the Phoenix lander.

The mission is to look for signs of life on Mars’ northern pole. An amoebic speck on another planet would be considered a miracle. That guy next to you on the subway with a hacking cough is just considered annoying, however.

Monday’s Column: Where’s a Good Assassin When You Need One?

Today’s column at WorldNetDaily is an expanded version of something that’s been discussed here on the blog a bit: Hillary using the RFK assassination as evidence of how things can change in the last minute in any nomination process.

What might the fallout be of Hillary’s comment, and what might be the fallout for the rest of us with a ticked-off Hillary returning to the Senate cackling for vengeance? Read “Thank you Sirhan, may I have another” for the whole story.

Memorial Day thoughts

On a separate note, a special Memorial Day thanks to all those members of the Armed Forces past and present who have fought and died to keep us free to do relatively trivial things, such as mock Hillary’s lost sanity.

Four years ago I wrote a little tribute to the military, and what I wrote still stands true. That column is here.

What’s Your ‘Racial Resentment Index’ Number?

As Forrest Gump famously said, “Some days there just aren’t enough rocks.”

Here’s the latest in a long line of mainstream media dribble:

Obama’s race may well explain his difficulty in winning over white voters. In the NEWSWEEK Poll, participants were asked to answer questions on a variety of race-related topics including racial preferences, interracial marriage, attitudes toward social welfare and general attitudes toward African-Americans. Respondents were grouped according to their answers on a “Racial Resentment Index.”

On a scale of 1 to 10, my “Newsweek Resentment Index” is at a 10. It makes me wish I wouldn’t have cancelled my subscription years ago just so I could cancel it again.

I wouldn’t mind if this also worked the other way around by indexing people who vote for Obama just because he’s black — but then if it made sense and was fair and unbiased, it wouldn’t be the Newsweek liberal propaganda machine we all know and love to make fun of.

‘Thank You Sirhan, May I Have Another?’: Hillary Steps in it Again

The big news going into the weekend is Hillary justifying staying in the race by reminding everybody that her husband didn’t clinch the nomination in 1992 until the California primary in June — oh, and that Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June of 1968.

Ya just never know what might happen!

Democrats are freaking out about the comment, but in the larger picture, if it’s over and Obama is the nominee, why are so many Democrats disturbed beyond belief about Hillary’s insistence on continuing her candidacy if she’s a delusional joke with no chance of winning the nomination?

Because they know the same thing Hillary does… the longer this goes on, the more Democrats will realize that Obama is simply not qualified for the job and will have very little chance of winning the general election. He’s a gaffe machine, and it’s not because he’s not a good communicator — it’s because he’s not intellectually equipped for the gig, period.

Anyway, here’s Hillary reminding everybody of how quickly things can change. I hope she’s got on the waterproof pantsuit, because she really stepped in it this time:

Update: One of Obama’s supporters parrots the usual response:

Over Troubled Waters

It was “obscene profiteers vs. obscene profiteers” on Capitol Hill this week. Some House members, one of which was leftist moron Rep. Maxine Waters from California, grilled oil execs about their “obsene profits.” Keep in mind that this accusation is thrown from the same chairs that confiscate trillions of dollars worth of private sector wealth every year.

The President of Shell Oil told Waters that one reason gas is so expensive is because of government incompetence and refusal to allow domestic drilling and to call for the building of new refineries.

This insolence angered Queen Maxine so that she threatened to have the government take over the oil companies — which would be like firing the overpaid, underperforming coach of the high school girls basketball team and replacing him with R. Kelly.

To paraphrase P.J. O’Rourke, if you think gas is expensive now, wait until the government makes it cheaper.

Here’s a video of the exchange. To say that Maxine Waters isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer is an insult to the spoons.

Chief Wana Dubie Update

It had been a while since I checked in with our old pal Chief Wana Dubie, so I thought that heading into Memorial Day, a time of year when we honor those who fought and died to keep us free to smoke lawn clippings so we’re able to find Cheech & Chong funny just the way the Founders intended, was as good a time as any.

Wana Dubie, the former Missouri State Rep. candidate, was planning to run for that state’s Governor as a Libertarian.

Well, it turns out that the Chief was too strange for the Libertarians — no small feat — so he’s been booted from that ticket and is now trying to run as an independent.

The Dubester has a petition on his website. He needs 10,000 signatures to get on the ballot as an independent. It looks like the petition’s been up since just after Easter (as evidenced by the referrals to the Libertarians crucifying Dubie by nailing him to the side of Willie Nelson’s tour bus), but there’s no indication of how many signatures he’s received.

Read the “Chief’s Views” page and you’ll find out that, though he’s seen as a political outcast, Dubie is in fact far more sane and logical than most Democrats and a hell of a lot of Republicans — just not as web savvy.

I hope he gets his 10,000 signatures and is able to rock the joint. Vote for Dubie, and Missouri will be fixed… not to mention dilated.

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“Some pot in every chicken and a VW van in every driveway!”

Kennedy’s Herpes Caused His Brain Tumor?

Everybody knows I’m no fan of Ted Kennedy’s politics, but this Wired.com story could be considered “reaching.”

A link between herpes and cancer is established — next to a big ol’ smiling picture of Teddy:

Research Links Herpes Virus and Brain Tumors

If Ted Kennedy’s cancerous lesion is a glioblastoma multiforme, the most common kind of brain tumor, it may have been caused by a virus from the herpes family.

Last year, Duane Mitchell and his colleagues at Duke University learned that cytomegalovirus is present at elevated levels in more than 90 percent of glioblstoma multiforme tumors. Armed with that knowledge, they are testing a vaccine that fights the common virus as a brain-cancer remedy.

No specifics about Kennedy, however. Just to be safe though, don’t have sex with any Kennedy until the research is completed.

As for herpes and cancer, it’s also reported here that brain tumors aren’t the only cancer that can be caused by a virus. Cervical cancer can be as well.

So it’s settled then… women who have cervical cancer did at some point get herpes from Ted Kennedy. There’s no arguing with the science.

Muslim Outrage Du Jour: Driving School Car Equipped with Automatic Tranny

Some days the good stuff writes itself:

A Muslim man is threatening legal action against an all-female driving school in Britain after the company sent a transgendered man to teach his wife how to drive.

“You have sent me a man. Send me a proper female. How dare you send a man with a deep voice?” the unnamed customer told Joanne Dixon, who runs the Laugh ‘n’ Pass school in West Yorkshire.

The Daily Mail, has the whole story, along with the creepiest photo of Brian Dennehy in drag you’ll ever see:

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No pork, so what’s the problem?