I started writing some comments about the Clint Eastwood vs. Spike Lee flap, but I concluded that the best way to handle it was via satire, so here goes:

Clint Eastwood Olive Branch to Spike Lee: I Promise to Show More Blacks Getting Killed in My Next Film

nullIn a move designed to end the feud between one of Hollywood’s most controversial directors and one of the most celebrated actors/directors in film history, Clint Eastwood has made a promise to Spike Lee that he hopes will end the turmoil.

“Tell Spike that I pledge to show more blacks getting killed the next time I make a war movie,” Eastwood told a Vanity Fair reporter in his trademark wince and growl.

The feud was sparked after Lee told reporters at the Cannes Film Festival that Eastwood had cast no African-American actors in either of his Iwo Jima movies — Flags of our Fathers, and Letters from Iwo Jima — even though African-Americans did in fact fight for the U.S. on the island.

“I hope this patches things up with Spike,” said Eastwood, even though he has had his own problems with the casting of other director’s war films.

“Take that movie that Edward Zwick directed, Glory. Out of all actors cast as enlisted men in the 54th Regiment of the Massachusetts Volunteer Infantry, none of them were white, but I didn’t say anything about it because it was none of my business,” according to Eastwood.

Eastwood hopes the announcement that he promises to show more blacks getting killed in his next war film will help ease the bad blood he has developed with Lee.

But just in case, Eastwood’s taking it a step further. “My next movie is about the Nazi occupation of Poland, and I plan to cast a black guy to play the part of every single Nazi in the movie. I’m trying to get Denzel Washington to play Hitler, but so far he hasn’t responded to the offer. Oh, and all the Jews are going to be black too. He wants to see black guys getting killed in a war film, he’s gonna get it!”

Phone calls to Lee’s office were not returned by the time this article went to press, but Eastwood hopes these gestures are enough to end the long and bitter feud. We can only hope so.

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