Sports We Can Do Without, Part XXIV: Chessboxing

nullThough the late 1800’s quote that has been attributed to either William McKinley or a U.S. Patent office official (depending on what version of the story you’re hearing) that “the patent office should be closed because everything that can be invented, has been invented” is of questionable validity, I’d like to go ahead and apply something similar to sporting events in the 21st century.

The international sports patent office should be closed, because when we reach this level, every sport that can be invented, has been:

A Russian man has been crowned world champion in the novelty sport of chess boxing, a game that requires equal skill at moving pawns and throwing punches.

Mathematics student Nikolai Sazhin, 19, competing under the name “The President” knocked out a 37-year-old German policeman Frank Stoldt, who served as a peacekeeper in Kosovo until recently.

The loser said he was simply too punch-drunk to fend off checkmate.

The term “beating the Bishop” has never taken on such a literal meaning.

If you’re in the mood for some weird entertainment, watch this ESPN report on chessboxing that I call “Brawn to rook four”:

(h/t Ace)