Post-Mortem Orders of the Ultimate Attention Whore

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nullNo more phone calls please, we have a winner for the “Attention Whore of the Week” award.

The prize goes to the founder and president of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, Ingrid Newkirk, who has sent out a warning that says to us all, “If you get a package in the mail from PETA, don’t open it!”

Here’s why:

DIRECTIONS FOR THE DISPOSITION OF THE REMAINS OF INGRID NEWKIRK

It all involves protesting the treatment of certain animals by, after she dies, having her ears sent here and her eyes sent there, making purses from her skin, umbrella stands from her feet, and using the “meat” of her body for a barbeque. No, seriously.

This is one will reading that would give Hannibal Lecter an erection the size of Clarice Starling.

This is why I’ve always liked PETA — they can make their point without excessive theatrics.

Mentally ill? Perhaps. Attention whore? You bet!

The only part of Newkirk’s body that won’t be cut out and delivered is her gall, as UPS doesn’t make a big enough box.

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