The Ultimate Election Year Suck-Up: Slavery Apology

“On behalf of white people everywhere, sorry about that whole slavery thing. Okay, now can I keep my job?”

From MSDNC… er, I mean, MSNBC:

The House on Tuesday issued an unprecedented apology to black Americans for the wrongs committed against them and their ancestors who suffered under slavery and Jim Crow segregation laws.
The resolution, passed by voice vote, was the work of Tennessee Democrat Steve Cohen, the only white lawmaker to represent a majority black district. Cohen faces a formidable black challenger in a primary face-off next week.

The next step will be to take money from people who didn’t enslave anybody, and give it to people who weren’t enslaved, with the government of course skimming 2/3 off the top.

The only plantation massa that still exists is in Washington, DC, but unfortunately it doesn’t look like Congress is in any hurry to apologize for their slavish policies that keep people trapped at the bottom but somehow still voting for the same politicians who peddle those oppressive policies (evil genius on the part of Democrats).

If Cohen is re-elected and faces a tough challenge in the next election, this sketch from Chappelle’s Show could become reality.


Update: Mother Nature is racist too.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: