Perhaps the funniest and yet most telling opening line of a “news” story I’ve seen in some time:

It’s getting tougher for the dishonest, the mentally unstable and the overweight to get hired as Cook County jail guards these days. As a result, fewer guards are getting hired.

This is blamed on the Sheriff’s tougher hiring standards, but I think the lack of availability of the dishonest, mentally unstable and the overweight to be jail guards is simply because more of these people are becoming Cook County politicians:

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(h/t Boortz)

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