nullMonths ago there were whisperings that John Edwards was having an affair with a campaign worker. The person in question was said to be meticulous about their appearance, have high cheekbones, a flowing, healthy mane and a terrific eye for fashion. Unfortunately though, no description was given of the alleged mistress — but now we know.

Former employee of the John Edwards campaign, Rielle Hunter, gave birth to a child a few months ago. The National Enquirer reported that Edwards had an affair with the woman, which Edwards has now confirmed — but, the Enquirer also reported that Edwards was the child’s father — which Edwards denies.

Edwards’ explanation of the timing of the affair is craftily dated so as to throw the least amount of “insensitive, heartless dickweed” on himself. It all happened just before his wife’s cancer recurred, according to the man who lies for a living.

So, who is the child’s father? Edwards aide Andrew Young has claimed paternity of the child. Apparently the strategy here is to make Rielle Hunter look like a DNC pincushion so the “it’s okay because everybody does her” clause kicks in.

But, as always, “follow the money.”

Question for the married men out there: How often have you cheated on your spouse, broken off the affair, and only later found out that one of your buddies had been paying for the woman’s house and living expenses even after the affair ended? I can’t count how many times that… never happened.

This to me is the most unbelievable part of the John Edwards saga — that Dallas lawyer Fred Baron, who helped finance Edwards’ presidential run, gave Rielle Hunter money and a house so she could “stay away from the tabloids.” And Edwards never knew about any of it. Uh huh. I won’t be surprised if Rielle Hunter claims she knew nothing of the payments either, and that the checks were cashed by the Hush Money Fairy.

What mistress doesn’t want friends like the friends of John Edwards? The problem is, they don’t exist.

Another unbelievable portion of Edwards’ explanation is that, though he told his wife of the affair in 2006 and it had ended by then, Edwards still went to the hotel room to see the woman last month and didn’t tell his wife just because Hunter was “having some trouble, she just wanted to talk”?

Would any of you wives out there buy that one? And how about this: Edwards said he told his family of the affair in mid 2006, but in December 2006 Rielle Hunter was still under contract and working for Edwards. What wife would find this acceptable? Even if we were to assume that Elizabeth Edwards is a saint, it would hardly mean that she’s an idiot.

This is kind of like Bill Clinton telling Hillary he’d been doinking an intern and Hillary got so upset and furious that she still let Monica deliver pizzas to the Oval Office.

None of Edwards’ story really adds up, but it’s hardly surprising. John Edwards’ problem is that he’s a trial attorney and Democrat politician, and as such all he knows is how to spin problems so the reasoning is acceptable to blind voters or whatever collection of people with an average I.Q. of 90 he managed to get seated on the jury on any given day.

Edwards is handling this story as if he’s in court or on the Senate floor — where common sense reasoning is not only rare, but usually prohibited. You can’t blame Silky… he’s just acting on instinct.

Edwards may soon find out that the real world isn’t like the inside of a courtroom during a tort trial or the Senate floor during debate over yet another bad idea… at least not yet. Give Edwards and his lawyer and politician buddies time.

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