‘Does This Candidate Make My Butt Look Big?’

Amy Chozick at The Wall Street Journal asks the burning question, “Is Barack Obama so physically fit that he makes the 66% of the voting-age population who are overweight feel bad enough about themselves to want to vote for a guy who’s more out-of-shape?”

To quickly test this theory, I went to Michael Moore’s website. Moore makes Jabba the Hut look emaciated, and yet he appears to be backing Obama for president.

So, the extensive data I culled is conclusive: If the obese don’t vote for Barack Obama, it’ll not be because Obama’s skinny, it’ll be because those fat people are racists.

But then there are those overweight people who will back Obama, such as the aforementioned film director who, on any given night, can eat his weight in Funyuns. Why? Because when they see a skinny guy, they don’t get jealous. They instead immediately think, “more food for me.”

So we can now divide all fat people into one of two camps: Racist or greedy. Which are you, fat America?