Talk About an Energy Drink!

nullHave you or a friend recently farted and somehow ended up blasting yourself clear across the street? If so, it’s because there’s rocket fuel in your water! Or maybe not.

This AP story about the EPA saying that “rocket fuel in water is okay” is getting some attention.

Just remember that the coming environmentalist freakout (and subsequent ridiculous blaming of the “jet fuel lobby”) needs to be tapered by a bit of reason.

First of all, it’s being reported that there is “rocket fuel” in the water in 35 states. This is not true. There are varying levels of perchlorate in some drinking water. Perchlorate can occur naturally. Perchlorate is an ingredient in rocket fuel. Not that I want a glass of perchlorate, but still, it beats a cup of rocket fuel.

Perchlorate has even been found in the soil on Mars, but I’m sure that this could be countered as what happens when we keep crashing rockets into the Red Planet.

And before environmentalists and anti-war groups use the EPA report to seek a ban on rocket fuel (and ergo rockets and missiles — get it?), they need to remember that perchlorate-based chemicals are also used in the construction of batteries and automobile restraint systems.

In other words, if perchlorate is banned, there won’t be any way to run battery-powered cars, and we’ll all be forced to continue to drive our gas-guzzling, planet-destroying vehicles — without a restraint system! And after it all, there will still be perchlorate in the water, because much of it occurs naturally — unlike liberal common sense.


Rocket fuel in water could lead to many disasters (as seen above in a dramatization), according to Dr. Wilhelm Schmidt, Director of Germany’s “Düsseldorf Institute of Rocket Fuel and Flatulence.”

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: