Once You Go Alaskan, You Don’t Go Back to Pakistan

As soon as the blood works its way back up to Pakistan President Asif Ali Zardari’s brain, he’ll realize that he’s getting a bit of criticism back home for meeting Sarah Palin in New York and being one step away from asking her, “Are those space pants you’re wearing? Because your ass is out of this world!”

Well, not quite that extreme, but here’s what happened:

What Zardari said after shaking Palin’s hand will likely prove a great deal less memorable. “You are more gorgeous than you are on [television],” he told Palin after she declared she was honored to meet him. “Now I know why the whole of America is crazy about you,” Zardari added, flashing his trademark teeth-baring smile.

At this point, the two were urged to shake hands again, presumably for the benefit of the cameras. “I’m supposed to pose again,” Palin said quietly. Pointing toward the aide that prompted them, Zardari said, “If he’s insisting, I might hug.”

Below is a short, rather funny video of Middle-Eastern news anchors Abdullah Cronkite and Fatima Couric doing a “back, and to the left” style analysis of the handshake heard ’round the Muslim world.

How do you say “Hey, how you doin’?” in Pashto?:

The Highlight of the Debate

The candidates discussed lots of things last night — clearly McCain’s research people found that he could score two points with each Eastern Bloc sounding name he could spit out — but for me the highlight was when McCain said “horseshit” during one of Obama’s responses.

It’s a word we just don’t hear at televised debates. I guess the candidates usually figure that those of us watching at home are saying it more than enough to have everybody covered — until now:

Funeral for a Friend

Today I’m attending the funeral of my former boss, mentor and one of my best friends who died early last Sunday morning. This will be followed by the traditional Irish wake and bar brawl thereof. I may not have a chance to post again until this weekend — later if I can’t raise bail money.

Until I get back, try to negotiate your way through this Sarah Palin corn maze in Ohio. What would possess a farmer to make this? Maybe one night he was awakened by a voice that was whispering, “If you build it, she will…” — oh, nevermind:

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The Murtha of All Bombs

A U.S. Marine named Lance Cpl. Justin Sharratt is suing Pennsylvania Rep. John Murtha on behalf of members of his squad for defamation for Murtha’s despicable (and ultimately dismissed) allegations concerning the Haditha, Iraq incident.

If anybody happens to run across a fund to help Mr. Sharratt with legal expenses, please let us know. Of course I would consider my contribution a defense of Mr. Sharratt and his brave comrades, but even more, I’d consider it donating to have Code Pink’s puppeteer hand surgically removed from John Murtha’s ass.

In case you’re wondering where Code Pink’s other hand is, it’s currently busy pleasuring Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

David Blaine’s Been Upside-Down Too Long

When it comes to street magic, David Blaine is among the best — but when it comes to weird publicity stunts, I wish he’d use his prestidigitation prowess to make the attention-whore disappear.

I saw this same finale at an elementary school production of Peter Pan, except the kid playing Tinkerbell was a bit more convincing:

Update: Why didn’t Blaine’s stunt go as planned? Bush’s fault. No, seriously.

Palin Trying to Boost Her Q-Rating Among Democrats?

Back to the news that really matters. A tabloid is assisting with the salacious gossip bailout:

National Equirer: Sarah Palin’s secret lover revealed

Odd that she never mentioned him in any of her emails.

The Enquirer has a photo of a woman with a beautiful mane of hair and pouty lips sneaking out of a hotel room — wait, that’s John Edwards.

2012 Olympics Already Catering to Muslims

By the time 2012 rolls around, Olympic organizers are going to need back surgery from all the genuflecting. Here’s the poop:

Olympic organizers issued detailed design rules for the 2012 London games Wednesday, including a mandate that at least some toilets in the Olympic park do not face the holy Islamic city of Mecca.

If we want to present Islamic activists with the ultimate dilemma, a future Olympic Games should be held in a place that is the polar opposite of Mecca (a wicked spinoff of the “put a Polack in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner” joke, if you will).

One question: Given the world’s hurry to cater to the more radical factions of Islam, how long will it be until “speed stoning” and the “Muslim biathlon” (skiing and honor killing) are Olympic sports?

McCain: Delay Debate to Focus on a Bipartisan Effort to Further Ruin the Economy

A brilliant move, or a stupid one? Hmm:

Republican John McCain says he’s directing his staff to work with Barack Obama’s campaign and the debate commission to delay Friday’s debate because of the economic crisis.

Many Republicans think this is a terrific strategy on the part of McCain, so he can appear a stronger leader, etc. Pat Buchanan even went so far as to call McCain’s move “brilliant.” I couldn’t disagree more.

McCain wants to delay the debate to focus on the economy, but the economic situation is all the more reason to have a debate! Or is McCain’s fear that he and Obama won’t really differ very much on the answers to these problems?

Obama rejected McCain’s gesture, and Obama would be wise to suggest that the debate go on, except under the topic of the economy instead of the scheduled subject of foreign policy.

McCain needs to remind us that he’s running for president, and not running for re-election as a Senator who was there for years and now wants time to discuss a solution with everyone who caused the problem in the first place. And he needs to state this as the reason.

I stand by what I wrote a couple of days ago: Stop talking, Senator McCain, and let Sarah take the wheel. At this point it’s your only hope.

Place Your Order for Krazy Bailout Daze!

Let’s call the government and see if we can get bar tabs and gambling debt thrown on this smelly, steaming pile:

In the dark of night over the weekend when most people were snoozing, the Treasury dramatically expanded its bailout plan to include buying student loans, car loans, credit card debt and any other “troubled” assets held by banks.

Any chance that these “troubled” assets held by banks include mortgages of members of Congress and the Treasury Department?

Update: Environmental boondogglers want a piece of the bailout action too — and I’ll bet they get it.

Note: There seem to be some server issues today and the site has been going down more often than Barney Frank at Elton John’s birthday party. Hopefully it’ll be back to normal soon. (update 3 p.m.: seems to be getting back up to speed now)