The Obama campaign has purchased half-hour primetime slots on CBS and NBC to air approximately a week before the election.

If you count the infomercials Obama already gets for free early every night on the CBS Evening News and the NBC Nightly News, this adds up to a full hour of ad time on each network per day. Not bad.

I can already hear the introduction: “Obama TV is on the Ayers!”

The show will most likely be in standard infomercial pitch format — probably something along the line of this:

nullThat’s right, you’re not dreaming! If you’re one of our first 50 million voters, you’ll get a high paying job that demands virtually no hours per week; free health care; free abortions; free hurricane protection; free higher education; free tire inflation service so we can stop drilling for oil and free delicious and nutritious meals with zero trans fats delivered by an ex Fannie Mae executive in a hybrid car to your mortgage-free home three times per day!

Vote now and you’ll also receive free happiness; free prescription drugs; more free happiness; a cure for cancer; a big chunk of the bailout plan; an autographed ‘Jesus is just all Wright’ Trinity United t-shirt, a ‘Not a Muslim, not that there’s anything wrong with that’ official Obama campaign mug, a mandatory self-esteem increase and a written guarantee of eternal life all at absolutely no cost to you!

But wait, there’s more! If you vote for Obama now, not only will Chuck stand up, but you’ll also get this pleather-bound Obama songbook filled with Hymns of Hope dedicated to a great man who put the ‘free’ in ‘freedom.’ These songs of worship will brighten every Obamaday season (formerly known as Christmas and Hanukah).

Now how much would your grandchildren pay?

You’re probably saying to yourself, ‘There couldn’t possibly be more to this offer!’ Well don’t think again, because the next 5,000 people who provide ACORN with a list of at least 50 phony voter registration leads (Dallas Cowboys excluded) will get a hand-held three-bladed cooling fan to counter the effects of Republican-created global warming — personally autographed by Al Gore himself and provided free to Obama voters for an involuntary donation of $500 of to Generation Investment Management.

This exquisitely designed fan features the words Hope, Change and Progress beautifully embossed on each blade to remind every Obama-loving member of the global community of the leader who freed them from the need to cling to guns and religion and who saved them from the inhumane burden that comes with financial and social independence.

What are you waiting for? Quantities aren’t limited, so vote now and vote often!

(**Disclaimer: Offer expires if global banks no longer accept our charge card. Offer valid in most of the 58 states.)

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