Yesterday, the stock market fell to a more than five-year low.

Wall Street analyists had hoped that Gene Simmons making the “devil horns” sign while ringing the opening bell would prompt a slew of investors to instinctively hold Bic lighters in the air, which would in turn heat up the market, but it didn’t work:

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Maybe a performance of “Detroit Bailout City” would have helped ease investor fears.

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