Bill Clinton’s New Years Rockin’ Peeve

Bill Clinton just can’t be too happy right now, because he’s got to spend New Years Eve with his own wife. Tonight will mark the first time in decades that Bill has dropped a ball with Hillary in the immediate vicinity in decades:

The Clintons will lead hundreds of thousands of revelers in the final 60-second countdown and push the ceremonial button that lowers the ball, ending their roller-coaster year that saw the former first lady lose to President-elect Barack Obama but be named secretary of state.

Tonight will have yet another first: This will be the first time the Clintons have said “Should old acquaintance be forgot” where they weren’t prepping for grand jury testimony.

As for Mayor Bloomberg, he said that security will be tight in Times Square, with a large police presence and additional counterterrorism units. The Mayor has assured the city that if an Al Qaeda operative does manage to get through security, he or she won’t be smoking or eating any food containing trans fats, and if there’s a car bomb, it will be detonated in a “green” hybrid vehicle. Whew!

(h/t Joyanna Adams)

Taxpayers Crushed Under Another Democrat’s Golden Parachute

Good thing we bailed these guys out, eh?

A former top executive at Merrill Lynch who received a $25 million golden parachute after just three months of work has purchased a $37 million Park Avenue palace.

Peter Kraus, 55, paid the staggering sum for a five-bedroom co-op on New York’s posh Park Avenue after getting a $25 million buyout from Merrill Lynch when the company was sold to Bank of America in September, the New York Post reported.

By the way, ten seconds worth of research showed me that Kraus is a … you guessed it … big Democrat donor, just like Bernie Madoff. One of the politicians Kraus donated to was Chris Dodd, so I’d be surprised if Kraus didn’t get a sweetheart deal on his mortgage rate as well, just like Dodd.

But enough idle chatter — Democrats, go out and stop those greedy Republicans!

Israelis Ram Cynthia McKinney, Fmr. Congresswoman Says Jews Not Being Gentile

It’s on! Israel is enforcing a loon blockade of the Gaza Strip:

A boat carrying international peace activists, including former Georgia congresswoman Cynthia McKinney, and medical supplies to the embattled Gaza Strip sailed back into a Lebanese port on Tuesday after being turned back and damaged by the Israeli navy, organizers of the trip said.

McKinney — the former Congresswoman, Green Party presidential candidate (campaign slogan: “Crazy we can believe in!”) and cop-puncher who claimed that 5,000 people were “executed” during hurricane Katrina — was aboard the ironically-named yacht “Dignity” (“Cuckoo as Hell” was already taken) and described the incident:

“Our boat was rammed three times, twice in the front and one on the side,” McKinney told CNN Tuesday morning. “Our mission was a peaceful mission. Our mission was thwarted by the aggressiveness of the Israeli military.”

She called on President-elect Obama to address the Gaza crisis, saying the weapons being used by Israel were supplied by the United States.

If our tax dollars are being used to help other countries sink the SS Moonbat, I’m all for it.

Good on ya, Israel!

How Will You Spend the Extra Second This Year?

nullThe International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service (now there’s an office party I don’t wanna miss!) informs us that a “leap second” will be tacked on at the end of this year at 23 hours, 59 minutes and 60 seconds to account for fluctuations in the rotational speed of the earth.

How will you spend that extra second? Here are a few of recommendations:

–List everything the United Nations has ever actually done to rid the world of tyranny.

–Remember all the non-crazy things that Cynthia McKinney said this year.

–Fold and put away Willie Nelson’s clean laundry.

–Count how long it would have taken the Iraqi reporter who threw a shoe at the “evil” Bush to have been tortured and killed if he did the same thing to Saddam Hussein.

–Add up the correctly spelled words on Barbra Streisand’s spelling test.

–Recite aloud the names of all the honest politicians who ever came from Chicago.

–Count all the Christmas gifts Barney Frank bought from Victoria’s Secret that he gave to women.

–Look at a picture of Michael Moore and make a list of everything he would appear to be an expert on in the field of health care.

–Note the length of time it takes for Larry Craig to get a Pavlovian erection after hearing a public restroom stall door slam.

–Note the length of time it takes for Bill Clinton to fly into Pavlovian flaccidity after he hears Hillary pull in the driveway.

–Write down all the real jobs the Kennedys have ever had.

–Drink a toast to every college football player who’s praying that they’re drafted by the Detroit Lions.

–Tell every Pauly Shore joke that ever made you laugh.

Maybe that helps, maybe not — but in any case, enjoy the extra second!

(h/t Slashdot)

‘Hope’ Goats: Oprah Duped Again

Oprah Winfrey, talk show giant and Barack Obama groupie, has been duped again, along with a book publisher and agent.

First there was James Frey, and now Herman and Roma Rosenblat, who yanked tears from the faces of many an Oprahbot with their touching tale of meeting at a Nazi concentration camp, who were then separated, only to meet again decades later and get married. It was a great story. It was heartwarming. It was… a hoax.

Said the Rosenblats literary agent Andrea Hurst, “I question why I never questioned it. I believed it; it was an incredible, hope-filled story.”

Ah, “hope,” that wonderful word we’ve been hearing with increasing frequency for the past couple of years. Hey, what’s wrong with “hope”? Hope can never be a bad thing, can it? Yes it can, but only if it makes Oprah look like an ass.

After James Frey’s book turned out to be a lie, Oprah said she felt “duped” and that Frey “betrayed millions of readers.” But his story gave us such hope! I don’t get it. We’ve had it engrained in our brains that “hope” is all we need! What gives?

Liberalism is an “intent-based” life philosophy, meaning that the outcome takes a back seat to the perceived motivation behind that outcome. In the case of the Rosenblats, that motivation was to “bring happiness and hope to people.” So what’s the big deal? Any good liberal will tell you that the intent is all that matters.

Oprah has fallen for a couple of big “hope-filled” hoaxes in the past couple of years, so in case she wonders why some of us took her enthusiastic Obama endorsement with less than a grain of salt, maybe now she knows why.

Not that Obama is a hoaxer or anything — I’m certainly willing to give him a fair shake. It’s just that in politics, there are far more Rosenblats and Freys than I care to count — so I’m only playing the odds when it comes to “hope” in Washington, DC.

It Took Obama 11 Hours to Say ‘Let There Be Light’

Frankly, in an emergency, I prefer my messiahs to act a little faster than this:

President-elect Barack Obama’s Hawaiian vacation was darkened for 11 hours Friday night and early Saturday when a power outage enveloped the island of Oahu.

To be fair, however, an Obama spokesman said it took so long for Obama to miracle the lights back on because the outage occurred during Barack’s nightly stroll across Maunalua Bay, and on the way back he stopped to turn some locals’ water into wine, heal a leper and bless the gravesite of Don Ho.