Casket Fever, Catch It!

Have you ever wished you could be buried in a casket bearing the logo of your favorite sports team or television show? Me neither, but apparently there’s a market for it.

There’s a company here in Michigan called “Eternal Image,” and they design custom caskets, urns, etc. for sports fans and other entertainment nuts. That’s right, licensing mania has hit the funeral industry.

Here’s why Eternal Image came to be:

In an industry as unchanging and static as the funeral business, Clint Mytych is an unlikely CEO. At 27 he is poised to change one of the world’s oldest industries through a very modern technique: licensing.

Great. You can’t even die now without having a sponsor.

By the way, the Boston Red Sox caskets are selling big. I bet Sox fans wish this was around back when everybody in Boston wanted a place to put Bill Buckner.

Here’s the Detroit Tigers casket:


The perfect resting place for any Tigers fan who was killed by a Miguel Cabrera line-drive foul ball.

As for football teams, I called and asked if I could be buried in a Detroit Lions casket, but they said it was already full up with Detroit Lions.

And if you know any serious nerds who are on the brink of clipping on their last pocket protector, there’s this gem:

The STAR TREK™ Casket styling has been inspired by the popular “Photon Torpedo” design seen in STAR TREK™ II: The Wrath of Khan. Caskets will be available beginning early 2009.

Here’s what the Star Trek “to explore strange new cemeteries” casket looks like:


What Khan artists! There’s no better way to tell everyone at your funeral that you had no dating life whatsoever than with this baby.

And if you get a chance, check out the “cat fanciers” urns and garden memorials. Great for the creepy old lady who smelled like moth balls and kitty litter who used to scare you when you were a kid.

And what funeral would be complete without a Precious Moments casket? Spend eternity locked inside the same material you spent half your life either sitting on or throwing up in — porcelain! It’ll be just like you’re still alive, but colder and darker.

Death with dignity is obviously an antiquated notion.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: