Come One, Come All: Global Orgasm for Peace Reminder

Just a reminder that tomorrow is “Global Orgasm for Peace” day. I’m not quite sure how this will bring about peace (maybe terrorists, despots and warmongers will be intimidated into hiding by our fiery red ears, crossed eyes and primal screams) but it’s an idea worth exploring.

Here are some details from the group’s website as to the intended cause and effect — well, the effect anyway, the cause is up to you:

This year we’re synchronizing in the two-hour period around the Solstice, which falls on Sunday December 21 at 12.04 p.m. (four minutes after noon) Greenwich Mean Time. So in the U.K., Global-O time will be from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m.

Check the Global-O Time in your country

The world is celebrating the election of the new USA President, Barack Obama, and the hope for change that he has stirred in our hearts. We are riding the wave of joy and renewal, which gives us a flying start for this year’s Global O! It’s the Global OOObama Factor!

So let’s not waste this energy. Let’s send a wave of positive intention into the quantum field of the Earth. We will spike the charts at the Global Consciousness Project and lay a foundation for the ‘Mindful Alpha Male’ President to build on, to begin healing the damage done to the planet and all its species.

It’s obvious that we can now officially refer to Barack Obama as “Spanish fly for the liberal guy,” but Al Gore types might spot an immediate downside in this event. All the excess energy being burned, increased CO2 emissions from the heavier than normal breathing, post-coital cigarette smoke and generous applications of KY-Warming is bound to aggravate global warming and could make Global Orgasm for Peace day a climate change nightmare. Just in case, I for one plan to purchase “Global Orgasm for Peace credits.” Solar powered or hybrid sex toys are always a good idea, too.

Could it work? Could Global Orgasm for Peace day actually bring about peace? Most of us will be asleep 30 seconds after it’s over so we’ll have to wait until morning for the answer to that question, but if we do wake up the next day and there are still wars, terrorist attacks and violent despots, it’ll mean that either we have to keep trying… or she faked it again.

Another inherent problem with a “global orgasm for peace” is that it’s a complete myth that sex is peaceful. Sex, if performed properly, is anything but peaceful. As a matter of fact, the only group of people I’ve never seen fighting are nuns. If we’re to be serious about this event next year, we’ll have a “Global celibacy for peace” day.

That this is the third annual event and there are still wars isn’t a good sign, but hope springs eternal. The 1960’s “politics of harmonic convergence” have never led us astray, and I certainly don’t expect them to this time.

Besides, millions of people simultaneously yelling out to God is bound to prompt lawsuits from uptight atheists, so the added upside of agitating Michael Newdow is another reason I’m pledging my participation.

The only problem where I am is that noon GMT is 7 o’clock in the morning EST. I’ll try not to spill my coffee, but no promises. What’s a little second-degree burn in the name of world peace?

Here’s a practice clip for your prep work.

Note: This piece is cross-posted over at the American Thinker. Click here to read the comments at AT.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: