The International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service (now there’s an office party I don’t wanna miss!) informs us that a “leap second” will be tacked on at the end of this year at 23 hours, 59 minutes and 60 seconds to account for fluctuations in the rotational speed of the earth.
How will you spend that extra second? Here are a few of recommendations:
–List everything the United Nations has ever actually done to rid the world of tyranny.
–Remember all the non-crazy things that Cynthia McKinney said this year.
–Fold and put away Willie Nelson’s clean laundry.
–Count how long it would have taken the Iraqi reporter who threw a shoe at the “evil” Bush to have been tortured and killed if he did the same thing to Saddam Hussein.
–Add up the correctly spelled words on Barbra Streisand’s spelling test.
–Recite aloud the names of all the honest politicians who ever came from Chicago.
–Count all the Christmas gifts Barney Frank bought from Victoria’s Secret that he gave to women.
–Look at a picture of Michael Moore and make a list of everything he would appear to be an expert on in the field of health care.
–Note the length of time it takes for Larry Craig to get a Pavlovian erection after hearing a public restroom stall door slam.
–Note the length of time it takes for Bill Clinton to fly into Pavlovian flaccidity after he hears Hillary pull in the driveway.
–Write down all the real jobs the Kennedys have ever had.
–Drink a toast to every college football player who’s praying that they’re drafted by the Detroit Lions.
–Tell every Pauly Shore joke that ever made you laugh.
Maybe that helps, maybe not — but in any case, enjoy the extra second!