nullThe nine muslim passengers who were kicked off an AirTran Airways flight for making certain comments on the plane that concerned other passengers has once again opened the can of worms about what’s appropriate to say on an airplane, and who it’s appropriate to be said by.

Should Muslims’ words receive extra airline scrutiny for just because they happen to belong to the only religion for which “hijacker” is a top-five career option? Should non-Muslims be banished for thinking that every time somebody in a turban says “baby formula,” it’s only because “baby” and “formula” are the words that trigger the blasting cap they’ve hidden in the luggage compartment?

Naturally, groups representing the nine people who were kicked off the plane are considering a lawsuit. But how can we put a stop to these kinds of thing before they even start?

I’ve had a business idea that will eliminate this entire controversy and make the skies much friendlier.

Think about it — no more accusations of religious bias, racism or anything of the kind, because everybody’s comments will be treated exactly the same. That’s because anybody who talks will be kicked off the plane.

Introducing “‘Shut the F*#k Up!’ Airways.” No talking. Ever. By anyone. And no babies. In what will resemble a miniature United Nations meeting except with higher IQ’s, all older children who are unable to comply — regardless of race, color, creed, religion or compulsive disorder — will be placed in a sound-proof room in the nose cone for the duration of the flight. No exceptions.

Fly in non-discriminatory silence free from the worry of being wrongly accused for a comment you made, and safe in the knowledge that if there are terrorists on board, they won’t be able to audibly communicate with each other.

I know I’d fly on an airline where talking was banned. And if there is a terrorist attack on the plane, at least you’ll not have spent your final moments hearing all the details of the hemorrhoidectomy of the big-mouth encyclopedia salesman from Paducah sitting next to you.

“‘Shut the F*#k Up!’ Airways: We don’t care who you are — You talk, you walk.”

If there’s a more fair way to run an airline where everybody is treated equally, I have yet to see it.

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