Roland Burris Update: Showdown at the O.K.K.K. Corral

Dateline Washington: Roland Burris, the new Congressman-Elect-By-Appointment-By-ASuspected-Crook, was not allowed to take part in the swearing in of the 111th Congress this morning.

Burris was told that “his credentials were not in order,” to which Burris remarked is a difficult thing to hear when it comes from a group people who are in charge of the entire budget of the United States but who aren’t qualified to organize a PTA bake sale. “It’s a little like being told you’re not thin enough to hang out with Aretha Franklin,” Burris added.

When Burris entered the US Capitol Building, the Secretary of the Senate, Orval Faubus III, led him to a heavily guarded room upstairs where Democrats raise semi-free-range coloreds. Should Burris wander from the semi-free-range, Capitol Police are under orders from Democrat Congressional leadership to turn the fire hose on him under the guise of making him “bright and clean” for presentation to Joe Biden.

As the standoff doesn’t appear nearing an end, Burris may have to spend the night at the Capitol. But in an unprecedented gesture, Sen. Robert Byrd has agreed to let the possible future Senator sleep on his favorite Kleagle sheets until this is all sorted out. Byrd will also honor Burris with his very own drinking fountain and shoeshine station.

This reporter has also learned that The Little Rock Nine have called Burris to express their solidarity, and also that Sen. Barbara Boxer thought that The Little Rock Nine were a singing group from the 1950’s.

Chicago Congressman Bobby Rush later told Fox News that if Roland Burris was white, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid would have seated him. Reid denied the charge, saying that his refusal to seat Burris had nothing to do with his color and everything to do with the fact that Burris didn’t offer him any free boxing tickets or a sweetheart land deal. “My Senate is blind to color,” said Reid. “Believe me, we’re as in the dark as we can possibly be.”

More on this story as it develops.

In other news, Republicans were accused of being racists again today.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: