Here’s a public service announcement for any of you single men out there. If you’re young, virile, and have the thickest pair of beer goggles ever, a 107-year-old Chinese virgin would like to have a chat with you:

A 107-year-old virgin has finally decided to get married and settle down with a younger man – mainly because she can’t find anyone older than her.
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So the hunt is on through old people’s homes in the Chinese city of Chongqin for a suitable groom for the spritely spinster.

Sound like a bad deal? Well, let’s look at a few of the upsides and downsides of marrying a 107-year-old Chinese virgin:

Upside: Can put teeth in glass
Downside: Gets glass in teeth

Upside: Has never been with another man
Downside: Still yells “is it in yet?” during marriage consummation

Upside: Won’t wake up when you sneak home at 3:30 in the morning
Downside: Gets up for breakfast at 3:15 in the morning

Upside: Has a pretty nice rear-end for her age
Downside: It has a tattoo of Mao Zedong on it

Upside: She can lift up to 70 pounds
Downside: Sometimes the diaper can’t lift that much

Upside: Wants to join the “mile high club” but is afraid of flying (whew!)
Downside: You end up doing it in a rickshaw 6,000 feet up Mt. Makalu

Lots to ponder. Good luck guys!

If somebody from ABC reads this post, look for “The Upsides and Downsides of Marrying a 107-Year-Old Chinese Virgin” to be in their fall comedy lineup.

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