The United States is in danger of running out of one of its most precious commodities: Irony.
The reason? Constant strip-mining of the formerly common humor mineral by both current and former politicians means that private-sector irony, such as that displayed with the billboard placement to the left, is on the verge of extinction.
Recent examples of the government’s callous hoarding and burning of our nation’s irony supply include the following:
–Bush said a few weeks ago that he must abandon free market principles in order to save the free market.
–Al Gore’s Senate testimony on global warming, scheduled to take place tomorrow, may be cancelled due to ice and snow.
–The U.S. Detention Camp at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba will be closed at some point because Democrats say prisoners there are being tortured, but the prisoners won’t be sent back to their respective countries because they’ll be tortured.
–A tax cheat is going to be Secretary of the Treasury.
–Those who are charging themselves with cleaning up the planet left the Washington Mall strewn with garbage after the inauguration of the savior of all socialist mankind.
–Nancy Pelosi, stressing the importance our children’s health, defended the possibility of spending hundreds of millions of dollars of stimulus money to provide, in part, abortions (the iron-clad liberal logic here being that dead kids are less likely to get sick).
–President Obama cares deeply about taking care of my family while his own half-brother lives in squalor in Kenya.
My inside-the-beltway sources, who would normally be located outside-the-beltway but they can’t afford the irony, tell me that our only hope for getting Washington to cut their irony use would be to inform them that irony causes global warming. Al Gore plans to do this as soon as he gets off his private jet to tell everybody to cut their greenhouse gas emissions at a global warming meeting that may be cancelled due to snow.
When will we run out of irony? One irony economist told me in confidence that an irony shortage can be almost impossible to spot. “The ironic thing about an irony shortage is that, when it’s all gone, you have more of it than ever.”
The government has vowed to work tirelessly to get us to that level.