MOSCOW (PNN): Following through on a campaign promise to raise the stature of the United States in the eyes of nations that view America unfavorably after eight years of George W. Bush, the Obama Administration has dispatched Secretary of State Hillary Clinton on a worldwide tour intended to unclench the fists of nations the US has treated poorly by offering them cheap, plastic novelty gifts.
First stop: Moscow
This week, Clinton gave her Russian counterpart a plastic box sporting a “reset” button, symbolic of the Obama Administration’s willingness to reset relations with Moscow.
Here is the novelty item Secretary Clinton presented to the Russian government:
President Obama is calling his world peace initiative “Gags, Gifts, Peace.”
A spokesperson for Secretary Clinton told reporters, “This program is sure to make the world more peaceful. Just think of how many lives could have been saved if only somebody would have made an effort to present Osama Bin Laden with a stress ball with one of those yellow smiley faces on it. That’s the strategic thinking behind ‘Gags, Gifts, Peace’.”
Secretary Clinton is expected to meet with Iranian President Ahmadinejad on Monday to present him with a donkey cigarette dispenser, symbolic of U.S. Democrats’ willingness to smoke out the hate. Ahmadinejad will also be given a cute stuffed toy rabbit wearing a sign that reminds any onlooker that, “Some Bunny Loves You.” This as a reminder that the U.S. is open to a new dialog and will no longer “hop” to premature conclusions.
On Wednesday, Clinton will present Kim Jong Il with a “singing toilet paper roller” that plays an array of Jackson Browne songs as a way of telling the N. Korean dictator that the Obama Administration intends to “wipe” out all nuclear weapons and power plants in the world, starting with those in the U.S.
Meanwhile, the Obama Administration’s kind gestures are being viewed positively in China. Word out of Beijing is that the Chinese government is very happy with Obama’s “Gags, Gifts, Peace” initiative, as China is expecting a 20-30% increase in exports of their cheap plastic novelty items thanks mostly to increased sales to the U.S. State Department.
There was an embarrassing faux pas in the presentation of the cheap novelty item for peace that was given to the Russians, because instead of “perezagruzka,” which is “reset” in Russian, the box featured the word “peregruzkaa,” which means “overcharged.”
A spokesman for the Obama Administration later explained that the error was made because Secretary Clinton accidentally gave the Russians the box that was intended for U.S. taxpayers.