Here’s a story that will get the hackles of the cholesterol-cops raised so high that no other idiom could possibly reach them:

The West Michigan Whitecaps, a minor league baseball team, will be offering up major league cholesterol, carbohydrates and calories in an enormous hamburger being added to the menu this year at the Fifth Third Ballpark.

The 4-pound, $20 burger features five beef patties, five slices of cheese, nearly a cup of chili and liberal doses of salsa and corn chips, all on an 8-inch sesame-seed bun.

Here it is:

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The Grand Rapids Press reports that anyone who eats the entire 4,800-calorie burger in one sitting will receive a special T-shirt and answer to the name “Michael Moore.”

It’s all part of the team’s master plan to make the asses of their fans so big that they all have to buy two tickets each.

It’s getting so things like the below “commercial” aren’t even jokes anymore:

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