Blago Radio is On the F-in Air!

Tune in tomorrow to the EIB Network (“Excellence in Bribery”) to hear new host Rod Blagojevich:

Former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich has a new gig — as a radio talk show host.

WLS-AM program director Bob Shomper says Blagojevich will be on the air on the Chicago station Wednesday morning, taking calls from listeners, telling stories and talking with guests.

Shomper says it’s a one-time deal in a slot normally filled by hosts who are off this week.

Blago’s first guest was going to be his wife, but Rod was told that wouldn’t be allowed because the show won’t be broadcast on a 7-second delay.

The former governor won’t actually be on the air, provided he’s successful in selling the time slot to the highest bidder — just in case Chicagoans tune in and wonder why they’re listening to Jesse Jackson Jr.

Notre Dame Installs ‘Touchdown Teleprompter’ for Obama Commencement

President Obama is scheduled to deliver the commencement address at Notre Dame in May. As a result, the White House contacted the university and requested a couple of modifications.

If you’re attending the speech and have been to Notre Dame before, you’re probably used to seeing “Touchdown Jesus” at the stadium:

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For what the White House is describing as “security reasons,” the “Touchdown Jesus” will be temporarily dismantled and replaced with “Touchdown Teleprompter.”

Obama Administration officials say they doubt anyone will notice the change:

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Ground Control to Major Colbert: Why the Government Rarely Allows ‘Write-In’ Votes

Have you ever been voting and wished you could “write in” a name? Normally they don’t allow that. Why? Because the government can’t control the results as easily, as NASA just found out:

NASA’s online contest to name a new room at the international space station went awry. Comedian Stephen Colbert won.

The name “Colbert” beat out NASA’s four suggested options in the space agency’s effort to have the public help name the addition. The new room will be launched later this year.

NASA’s mistake was allowing write-ins. Colbert urged viewers of his Comedy Central show, “The Colbert Report” to write in his name.

Bring back the “write-in” vote on all election ballots, I say! And so what if Colbert wins an election? It’s not like he could do a worse job.

The Space Station’s Colbert room will be right across the hall from the Brangelina decompression chamber.

Upside to the Budget Crunch: Jimmy Carter Welcome Center May Close

A Georgia shrine to Jimmy Carter, better known as “The House that Stagflation Built,” may be closing unless somebody can quickly compose a strongly-worded letter to the Georgia State Government:

On the outskirts of Jimmy Carter’s ancestral home, miles from the nearest interstate, sits a state shrine to Georgia’s native president.

The Plains Visitor Information Center pays tribute to the peanut farmer-turned-president, and it also stands as a reminder that even one of the most sacred names in Georgia politics can fall victim to a budget crisis.

Despite a campaign led by leaders of Carter’s hometown—and the Democrats who represent his district—the center is on the verge of losing its state funding. The latest budget proposal passed by the House on March 18 strips the center of $186,000 it cost to run last year.

Maybe they should make into a theme park so it can support itself. Call it “Six Flags Over Yasser Arafat” and have rides that let visitors experience what it’s like to negotiate on the high seas, like “Mediate with the Pirates of the Caribbean.”

Other thrill rides could include the frightening “Consumer Confidence Drop,” “The Yellow Streak” and a taste of man vs. nature on the “Attack Rabbit!”

I’ll bet the money they’d take in from U.N. officials on vacation and thrill-seeking members of Hamas in town to chat with Jimmah would would be more than enough to keep the place open.

The Real Downside to Hi-Def TV

Politicians are really worried about the switch away from analog television and to digital high-def. No, not because so many of their constituents aren’t ready for the change, but because politicians’ faces aren’t ready:

They mandated the nation to transition to digital television, yet some members of Congress may be having trouble making the change themselves.

Makeup artists who worked both the National Republican and Democratic conventions, the presidential debates and in the U.S. Capitol say most lawmakers are unprepared for the toll that high-definition television is taking on their appearances — and that that could translate into lost voters in the 2010 elections.

If it helps ease politicians’ fears, they should be comforted to know that most of us already thought they were fairly unappealing in analog, so nothing should be too shocking. In other words, it’s not going to be like that “Went to bed with a 10, woke up with a 2” song or anything, so don’t worry, Washington.

It does make me a little more content to know that the government just spent a bunch of our money in part to make themselves look even uglier than they already are.

The switch could be traumatic for news viewers too:

Monday’s Column: The AIG Red Herring

If you are running out of a bank you just robbed carrying a big bag of money, and the police are coming, what’s one of your options? If you can find somebody who’s carrying their own bag, you point at them and yell “stop the thief!” Then everybody starts chasing that guy. At least, that’s how the AIG thing has worked out for Congress and the president.

Give a read to “The ABC’s of AIG” for the story on how and why so many are being suckered.

Comic Relief: Obama Highlights ‘Special Needs’ Cabinet Members

From our friends at The Nose on Your Face:

Seeking To Ease Special Olympics Flap, Obama Points To Special Needs Cabinet Members

“Look, some of my best friends are retarded,” the President said yesterday, “and I think any intellectually honest person who looks at my cabinet appointments– the very people I surround myself with–can see that there will always be a place in the Obama administration for protectively-helmeted Americans.

Click on the pic of some special members of Team Obama in action for the rest of the story at TNOYF:

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Taking the Bait on AIG: The ABC’s of Fury

Bus tours of AIG execs homes to foment anger and backlash against the entirely wrong group of people? Nice.

Congratulations, Congress and President Obama — most people are taking the bait.

The government’s plan is brilliant in its conception and execution. Spend years and years doctoring the educational system in the country so people are no longer able to distinguish their ass from a hole in the ground, and people will believe whatever they’re told, provided it come from the mouths of their life-long caretakers.

Here’s the AIG “scandal” in simple language, with the government starring as person “A,” you the taxpayer are person “B” and AIG is person “C”:

A stole B’s money, kept most of it, and gave the rest to C.

C was frivolous with the money, so B told A to be furious with C for misusing his money.

Then B forgot that, due to numerous factors (including mass confusion and that his childhood education just happened to be provided by A) that the trouble with C wouldn’t have happened if A hadn’t stolen B’s money in the first place.

If any intimidating “bus tours” are to take place, let them be at of the homes of members of Congress who successfully deflect a hate they created toward private citizens and get so many people to take the bait. If that’s not evil, I don’t know what is.