The New York Times has reported that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the “self-confessed mastermind” of the 9/11 attacks in which over 2,900 people were murdered, was waterboarded 183 times — or about once for every 16 victims.

This is wildly excessive, especially when you consider that most terrorists aren’t treated this harshly. Case in point: Timothy McVeigh was only executed once for every 168 people he murdered.

Naturally, the 9/11 attacks have resulted in more global attention finally being paid to some of the true evil in the world — I speak of course of the Central Intelligence Agency. The terrorist attacks have been a public relations disaster for the CIA, so, President Obama will visit the Agency in order to “boost morale”:

US President Barack Obama is to visit the CIA, in a bid to reassure staff stung by the release of memos detailing harsh interrogation techniques.

The visit follows comments by a former CIA chief who said the memos would limit its ability to pursue terrorists.

How will Obama boost morale? Insiders tell me he’s going to debut a fun character named “Patch Obama” for all the CIA employees. The feel-good, spirit-raising clown will also be featured on a slightly modified logo for the CIA that will bring a smile to CIA staff while offering them an important reminder:

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