How does the United Nations expect to negotiate an end to violence in the Middle East if they can’t even get their own people to forgive and forget about a “nice tits” comment?

From the Wall Street Journal:

The United Nations, which aspires to protect human rights around the world, is struggling to deal with an embarrassing string of sexual-harassment complaints within its own ranks.

Many U.N. workers who have made or faced accusations of sexual harassment say the current system for handling complaints is arbitrary, unfair and mired in bureaucracy.

It’s nice to know that the United Nations’ methodology for handling sexual harassment complaints is no different than it is for anything else.

Of course, this is the U.N. we’re talking about, which means saying “this coffee is so hot” will get you slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit from your mug.

But because of this recent rash of complaints, U.N. employees are no longer allowed to say the following:

null“Help me out here, baby… my helmet’s not the only thing that’s turned blue.”

“I bet you’d provide a great habitat for my humanity.”

“You’d look great tied up in that red tape…”

“That blouse could make any U.N. committee appointed by a panel of roundtable experts from an as-yet-to-be-announced coalition in conjunction with a bureau of task forces need a cold shower.”

“You can yell ‘Boutros Boutros’ and I’ll still only come once, but I’ll whisper ‘Lisa’ and you’ll come twice… weird, eh?”

“Once you go pathetically assuaging paper-pusher you don’t go back baby.”

“Must be jelly ’cause jam don’t mediate like that.”

“Here, I photocopied my butt — you’ve been Ban Ki-mooned!”

“Let’s say you and I go negotiate a truce between Viagra and Astroglide after work.”

*****

Until this is all sorted out, the U.N. is operating under a new logo:

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