If I hadn’t have heard it with my own ears I wouldn’t have believed it. A member of the Obama administration said that one way to save the planet from the ravages of global warming may be to harness the “albedo effect” by making the world a whiter place.

US Energy Secretary Steven Chu, taking part in a climate change symposium in London, said that, in order to stave off climate change, the world’s roofs should be painted white, and roads, sidewalks, etc., should be a paler color.

Admittedly, as a white male, I was starting to get a little down on myself in the past few years, what with being blamed for all the world’s ills — so I was more than thrilled to read that the unfortunate color I seem to have been born is finally being recognized as potentially eco-friendly. Sure, Indian reservations, the atomic bomb, corporate greed and Vanilla Ice are still my bad, but at least white is getting kudos for being good for something now.

But I can’t help but wonder where Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton are during all this “White is Right” talk as it concerns the environment. Surely the financially-motivated paranoia that keeps these race-baiters clicking can find a way to accuse Chu of being in the pocket of some secret organization dedicated to racial genocide in the name of the environment, can’t they? And if that doesn’t work, just accuse him of raping a stripper at a frat party.

Jackson and Sharpton must know this madness won’t stop at roofs and roads. The next thing you know, dark clothes will be responsible for climate change — and then, dark people. At that point, how long can it be until the only way we can dress in order to save the planet will be like Sen. Robert Byrd circa 1941, whose clothing color of choice was eco-friendly before eco-friendly was cool:

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Wake up, Reverends! There’s finally a legitimate reason for you to be enraged and you’re AWOL.

But maybe a plan is being developed to placate Sharpton and Jackson, because it’s also being reported that scientists are developing “cool colors,” which might look like a darker color to the human eye but reflect like whiter shades — kind of the Wayne Brady of color science.

It’s an ironclad scientific fact that a white roof will quell global warming. For example, when your roof is covered in white snow, is it hot outside? I didn’t think so.

All joking aside, why am I guessing that this discussion is only starting because Al Gore is now in full control of the world’s white paint supply?

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