Biden Defends the Gitmo Position of… Cheney?

Toby Harnden at the Telegraph highlights Joe Biden’s latest attempt to not be on the ticket with Obama when it’s re-election time:

Thank goodness for Vice President Joe Biden. In one of the few amusing parts of the Wanda Sykes comedy routine at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, she said: “God forbid that Joe Biden falls into the hands of terrorists….We’re done. Oh, they won’t even have to torture him. All they have to do is go, ‘How’s it going, Joe?'”
[…]
So will Obama fulfill his vow – announced amid great fanfare in an executive order on day two of his presidency – to close the facility by January 2010? “I think so,” Biden responded, according to Newsweek’s Holly Bailey.
[…]
Biden continued: “But, look, what the president said is that this is going to be hard. It’s like opening Pandora’s Box. We don’t know what’s inside the box.”

He also said that “to the best of my knowledge” the number of prisoners “who are a real danger who are not able to returned or tried” has “not been established” by the Obama administration.

So he basically just confirmed his predecessor Dick Cheney’s analysis that the decision was taken “with little deliberation, and no plan”.

“We don’t know what’s inside the box”? It sounds like closing Gitmo is going to be a spinoff of that old Adam and Eve joke where Adam says, “Stand back, I don’t know how big this is gonna get.”

But thanks nonetheless for confirming the opinion of Dick Cheney, Mr. Biden.

So what do we do with the terrorists if Gitmo is in fact closed? How about we lock them in Katie’s Restaurant… there’s nobody in there anymore except the spirit of Joe Biden’s fantasy camp antecdotes eating breakfast every morning.

Alright, enough political talk. It’s going to be a warm and sunny weekend. Stand up, Chuck… we’re outta here:

Gaming Company Sees Obama’s iPod for the Queen and Raises Him One Gold-Plated Wii

This is going to make the iPod that Obama gave Queen Elizabeth look wimpy in comparison:

The Nintendo Wii has positioned itself as the gaming console for everybody. As it turns out, that includes the Queen of England. Well, sort of. It’s not like Her Royal Highness went down to Wal-Mart and bought one with her summer job savings. Rather, she was given a special version by gaming company THQ.

What makes the Queen’s “Royal Wii” different? It’s gold-plated, sucka! None of that lame white plastic for Buckingham Palace — the Queen needs her bling! Gaming blog Joystiq reports that the gaming company is hopeful that the PR stunt “will amuse Queen Elizabeth.”

Yeah, but is the Wii loaded with Obama’s speeches? Maybe it will once Obama’s people have a “chat” with THQ.

Actually, the Queen likes to play Wii bowling (check out this picture). This is strike two for Obama, because, well, you know how he is at bowling.

For Obama’s next trip to England, the president’s going to have to trump this. Maybe a diamond encrusted teleprompter? A shiny new Rhodium-plated sceptre engraved with his inaugural speech?

Hopefully somebody asks the Queen which gift was her favorite. I’m guessing that, for Queen, Wii are the champions. Sorry…

Hillary: It Takes a Village to Halt Jewish Settlements

Hillary Clinton couldn’t keep her own husband from bonking tubby, pizza wielding interns, so I’m skeptical about her ability to convince Israel to stop settlement activity.

From the Jerusalem Post:

Sharp differences emerged between the US and Israel over the settlement issue on Wednesday – one day after Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu concluded his first official visit to the White House – with US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton calling for an absolute stop to all settlement activity and sources close to the prime minister saying the terms of a settlement freeze still needed to be defined.
[…]
“We want to see a stop to settlement construction, additions, natural growth – any kind of settlement activity,” declared Clinton in some of the Obama administration’s clearest comments to date on what it expects from Israel. She was speaking to Al-Jazeera in an interview, of which the State Department released a transcript on Wednesday.

Some believe that halting “natural growth” even means no net gain in population — as in “hey Jews over there, stop having babies.” So maybe we’re going to end up paying to build a bunch of Planned Parenthood places in Israel as the “solution” to the Israel/Palenstine conflict.

In any case, if you complain about illegals who pour across our borders and set up shop in the U.S., you’re called racist and intolerant. When Jews set up settlements in “Palestinian territory,” all of a sudden the likes of Hillary Clinton care vehemently about policing defined borders. Go figure. Maybe the trick is to convince the Obama administration that Jews are trying to sneak into the U.S. via Mexico to build settlements in Palestine, Texas.

Peace, Love, Grope: Sexual Harassment Crisis at the U.N.

How does the United Nations expect to negotiate an end to violence in the Middle East if they can’t even get their own people to forgive and forget about a “nice tits” comment?

From the Wall Street Journal:

The United Nations, which aspires to protect human rights around the world, is struggling to deal with an embarrassing string of sexual-harassment complaints within its own ranks.

Many U.N. workers who have made or faced accusations of sexual harassment say the current system for handling complaints is arbitrary, unfair and mired in bureaucracy.

It’s nice to know that the United Nations’ methodology for handling sexual harassment complaints is no different than it is for anything else.

Of course, this is the U.N. we’re talking about, which means saying “this coffee is so hot” will get you slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit from your mug.

But because of this recent rash of complaints, U.N. employees are no longer allowed to say the following:

null“Help me out here, baby… my helmet’s not the only thing that’s turned blue.”

“I bet you’d provide a great habitat for my humanity.”

“You’d look great tied up in that red tape…”

“That blouse could make any U.N. committee appointed by a panel of roundtable experts from an as-yet-to-be-announced coalition in conjunction with a bureau of task forces need a cold shower.”

“You can yell ‘Boutros Boutros’ and I’ll still only come once, but I’ll whisper ‘Lisa’ and you’ll come twice… weird, eh?”

“Once you go pathetically assuaging paper-pusher you don’t go back baby.”

“Must be jelly ’cause jam don’t mediate like that.”

“Here, I photocopied my butt — you’ve been Ban Ki-mooned!”

“Let’s say you and I go negotiate a truce between Viagra and Astroglide after work.”

*****

Until this is all sorted out, the U.N. is operating under a new logo:

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Obama Goes Off-TOTUS, Flubs

You’ll notice Obama does fine until the names, and then he goes off-TOTUS briefly to read from a piece of paper, and, as a result, gives props to Defense Secretary “William Gates.”

For a second there I thought the Microsoft founder had been made Sef-Def without my knowledge.

Never, ever look away from TOTUS again, Mr. President:

(h/t HotAir)

The Dissing Link: Ida Renounces Evolution and Embraces Creation, Says Pastor

MESSEL PIT, GERMANY (PNN): The scientific community is lauding the discovery of the “missing link,” a 47 million year old fossil named Ida, which they say offers “proof” that humans evolved from primates.

But Ida has now shocked the scientific community even further for apparently coming out in favor of biblical creationism after an encounter with televangelist and faith healer Benny Hinn.

According to Hinn’s website, Ida met with Hinn and was healed of a chronic and painful wrist fracture (see photo below released by Hinn Ministries). The pastor convinced Ida that Darwin was wrong, prompting Ida to re-examine her entire existence.

Hinn claims the following on his website: “Ida met with me and ultimately renounced the satanic forces controlling the Army of Darkness that put a talus bone in her foot in order to lead people away from the literal word of God. This is a cunning and evil enemy we’re up against who often uses paleontologists to spread their anti-Genesis cancer, and I’m pleased that Ida is standing with me in opposing this evil by renouncing her own discovery.”

Ida herself could not be reached for comment, leaving many in the scientific community skeptical of Pastor Hinn’s claims.

It’s also being reported that Ida is considering a lawsuit against Google for using her image without permission, though this couldn’t be verified by press time.

In a related story, an organization called “Americans for Truth in Business Origins” (ATBO) is claiming that Larry Page and Sergey Brin did not create Google, but rather the company evolved from the Dewey Decimal System.

The group supports this claim by referencing the recent discovery of an ancient Dewey card for a book entitled “Be your own plumber.” ATBO claims this proves that Google descended from Dewey during the HTML epoch, because the same book can be accessed via Google, linking the two and establishing Dewey as a Google ancestor.

“The notion that Page and Brin ‘created’ Google has just been disproved,” said one ATBO member.

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Ida, pictured above being healed of a wrist fracture and addiction to Darwinism, has renounced evolution and embraced biblical creation, according to Hinn

The Dr. Emmett Brown Award for Giving Would-Be Terrorists a Shoddy Bomb Casing Filled With Used Pinball Machine Parts Goes To….

The FBI and the NYPD:

The FBI and NYPD busted a four-man homegrown terror cell Wednesday night that was plotting to blow up two Bronx synagogues while simultaneously shooting a plane out of the sky, sources told the Daily News.

The idea was to create a “fireball that would make the country gasp,” one law enforcement said.

Little did they know the plastic explosives packed into their car bombs and the plane-downing Stinger missile in their backseat were all phony – supplied by undercover agents posing as Pakistani militants linked to Al Qaeda.

Fortunately the would-be terrorists didn’t become suspicious of the “Acme” and “Ajax” labels on the boxes.

Way to go NYPD and FBI!

Will Obama Regs Make Cars More Dangerous?

In a knave new world dominated by environmental hypocrites, self-serving bureaucracy addicts, power-hungry pinkocrats and doctorate level myth managers, it’s clear that if we stay on our present course, the government is going to save us to death.

Vehicle standards agreed upon by a group of people who are presiding over some of the greatest failures in the history of failures (eventually they’ll get something right… won’t they?) is just one example of the danger the government might be putting us in so they can save us:

The government says no tradeoff exists, because nothing in the new rules would force automakers to sell more small cars, which are more dangerous in crashes than larger ones. But some safety experts think otherwise.

“The deadlines are so tight that downsizing will be a tempting compliance strategy” for automakers, says John Graham, the former rulemaking chief in the Office of Management and Budget.

The plan requires automakers to sell cars that average 35.5 miles-per-gallon by 2016, a little more and a lot sooner than current law. It has been heralded as a brilliant solution to the nettlesome mix of problems related to fuel consumption and greenhouse-gas emissions.

And why wouldn’t cars be more dangerous? It’s only a matter of time before you’re going to be sitting in a kumquat-powered biodegradable egg carton with cucumber slices for wheels that you paid $79,000 for, traveling down the highway at 50 hours per mile heading for a job you forgot you lost 6 months earlier because your company was taxed out of existence to save the environment — and you’ll be killed in a head-on collision with John Kerry’s stretch limo.

Oh well… if we keep being led down this “green” path, we’re all going to end up in the same place anyway — in Al Gore’s bellah:

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San Francisco Mayor Wants To Tax Your Butts Off

You might think that no butts are off-limits in San Francisco — the city with social policies so liberal that God must think he horribly over-reacted to the Sodom and Gomorrah thing — but some butts are not welcome.

From the New York Times:

In what he casts as an attack on litterbugs and nicotine addiction alike, Mayor Gavin Newsom wants to impose a fee on an age-old inhabitant of city streets: the cigarette butt.

The proposal, to be introduced next month to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, would add 33 cents to the cost of a pack of cigarettes, to offset the estimated $10.7 million the city spends annually removing discarded butts from gutters, drainpipes and sidewalks.

With that in mind, here’s an item from the San Francisco Examiner from May 7th:

Garbage is piling up on San Francisco streets.

Just four of 11 supervisorial districts met The City’s street-cleanliness standards in the 2007-08 fiscal year, according to a maintenance audit released Wednesday.

That’s down from 10 districts that met the standards in the previous fiscal year.

During the same one-year period, illegally dumped trash, needles, broken glass, feces and condoms also became more prevalent on city streets.

Clearly the first thing that needs to be addressed is discarded cigarette butts! Heaven forbid a heroin junkie enjoying an AIDS infected five-dollar hooker on a park bench while rolling in somebody else’s poop should come in contact with a half-smoked Marlboro.

San Francisco has a needle exchange program, which can cause you to, as we used to say, “step on Keith Richards’ dinner” while walking in a park. San Francisco hands out free condoms like amphetamines at a Harry Reid speech, which get discarded and invite kids who find them to create the world’s most disgusting balloon animals — but no, let’s tax cigarette butts.

How much longer will liberals be taken seriously? Don’t answer that and ruin my good mood.