Court Says Franken Won, Senate Dems Anticipate Arrival of Fellow Comedian

It’s nearly officially official now. Congress is getting exactly what they deserve — taxpayers on the other hand, probably not so much:

The Minnesota Supreme Court on Tuesday ordered that Democrat Al Franken be certified as the winner of the state’s long-running Senate race, paving the way for a resolution in the seven-month fight over the seat.

The high court rejected a legal challenge from Republican Norm Coleman, whose options for regaining the Senate seat are dwindling.

Given that, here’s part of your new liberal comedy lineup in the Senate:

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Update: Coleman concedes to Franken.

Breaking: Mainstream Media Outlets Accuse Mark Sanford of Plagiarizing Love Letters

WASHINGTON, DC (PNN): PNN has learned that the heads of several mainstream media outlets, including the Associated Press, Reuters, MSNBC, ABC and others, have accused Mark Sanford of plagiarizing some of their reporters in love letters the S. Carolina Governor wrote to his mistress in Argentina.

The media outlets are accusing Sanford of stealing the moving and emotional words he emailed to Maria Belen Chapur last year, line for line, from various articles that reporters covering the 2008 election campaign wrote about then presidential candidate Barack Obama.

The mainstream media outlets are seeking an admission of guilt from Sanford, but so far haven’t gotten one.

“Those love letters were very personal and represent a deep affection, respect and admiration for a flawlessly beautiful human being in its purest, most spiritual form, and I can assure you they are original and were written from the heart,” according to a spokesperson.

“So were the Governor’s letters!” Replied a Sanford staffer in defense of the besieged governor.

More on this story as it develops.

Michael Jackson’s Father: WTF?

As one who has also lost a child (no matter how old they are, they’re still your “children”), I know that people grieve in ways that sometimes might look odd, or even “cold” to the casual observer, but Joe Jackson is really perplexing, though at the same time not very surprising, in this interview with CNN outside the BET Awards.

The interview is strange enough (he speaks of his son like he’s a “product” and not a person and the most emotional words have to be read by a spokesperson), but it’s at the 3:15 mark when a man whose son just died uses the occasion to pitch a new record company that it gets surreal. This is also an insight into what happens when a family ceases to be a family and turns into a business.

Joe Jackson comes across more like the owner of a chain of restaurants answering questions about the closing of his most lucrative location than a father whose son just died:

Hitler Wasn’t Just Nuts, He Was Bull Nuts

I’m sure even Michael Jackson never even thought to have his doctor try this one:

In an astonishing revelation found in the memoirs of Christa Schroeder, Adolf Hitler’s secretary, Hitler often hallucinated about happier romantic times because his doctor often injected him with hormones procured from the testicles of bulls.

There used to be a lot more cattle in Poland. Go figure.

There’s a long-held theory that Hitler had only one testicle (the epitath for Hitler and Eva Braun reads “Together, they had a ball”), and yet he was clearly more nuts than even previously thought.

Cap & Trade Fails Mainly in Spain, Sotomayor Fails Mainly in the Supreme Court

The United States is on the verge of passing the massive Cap & Trade boondoggle, and it’s a bad idea. But don’t just take my word for it. Let’s look at someplace where’s it’s already been implemented:

Proponents of the bill need to look no further than Spain, where the cap-and trade concept has sent unemployment to the 20 percent mark and with every one “green job” created, they have lost 2.2 jobs. Not exactly a success story.

Here’s more on Spain’s Cap & Trade debacle:

The release also says that 9 out of 10 “green jobs” created in Spain over the last decade are now gone. What’s more, Spain spent $753,778 to create each job, including subsidies of $1,319,783 per wind industry job.

That these numbers probably seem sustainable to U.S. government calculators is frightening indeed.

They call them “green jobs” because the government gets all your green, and your job is sleeping on a pile of discarded lettuce in a dumpster behind a Korean restaurant.

In other newsthanks to the Supreme Court, a probable future SCOTUS Justice, Sonia Sotomayor, has now been officially overturned more times than Michelle Obama’s garden soil. The good news for Sotomayor is that once she’s on the Supreme Court, she won’t be overturned by the Supreme Court anymore.

He’s Baaaack: Obama Birth Certificate Seller Gets Around eBay Rules, For Now

I wrote a post over the weekend about somebody who claims to have a copy of Barack Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate.

Ebay banned sale of the alleged document four times, and their reasoning was that eBay rules prohibit government documents or identification of any sort being sold on the site.

The seller’s account was apparently deleted, because it looks like the same person is back under another user name.

Look how he or she is trying to get around the rules this time, not mentioning any “birth certificate” this time but still making it obvious that’s what it supposedly is — it’ll be interesting to see what excuse eBay offers when they ban this listing:

I’ve written a dissertation about the physical birth (which took place on August 4th, 1961) of United States President Barack Hussein Obama II. This is what you are bidding on.
[…]
You are however welcome to view my dissertation, in person, before making your payment. Feel free to bring along with you a forensic examiner to authenticate my dissertation.

You may refuse payment should you find that my dissertation is without merit. Upon request (during in-person viewing of dissertation) all supporting evidence will be made available to you.

This may well be a hoax, but I’ll at least give the person points for persistence and creativity — and good past sales ratings.

Update: The bidding is now up to $900,000.

Update II: eBay has removed the listing… again.

Monday’s Column: Cap, Trade, Tax, Spend — Not Necessarily in That Order

Today’s column at WorldNetDaily is about the “Cap & Trade” scam that passed through the House last Friday.

If it makes it through the Senate, the Waxman-Markey bill would be the largest tax increase in American history based on nothing but greed and junk science, and it must be put down.

Give a read to “Crime(s) of the Century” for the whole story.

Help spread the word by giving it a Digg here.

Billy Mays Dies: One Minute You’re Here, and the Next, Kaboom!

Infomercial pitchman Billy Mays was a staple on the television of anybody who was too lazy to change the channel, and he is dead at age 50.

Mays reportedly hit his head during a rough landing yesterday, and he even Twittered about it last night, though it’s unclear whether or not the event is related to his death.

Mays is survived by his wife and dozens of infomercials, but definitely no stains.

Fellow pitchman Ron Popeil announced that, out of respect for Mays, his Pocket Fisherman would be at half-staff for the next week.

China’s Infrastructure That Obama Wants U.S. to Emulate is Collapsing

Just the latest fatal example of shoddy infrastructure in China is this: a new 13-story building in Shanghai collapsed. The Daily Mail has pictures here. Wow.

Oddly enough, here’s Barack Obama last August praising China’s infrastructure and speaking about how America needs to emulate that country’s “vastly superior” way of building things, which means that if you’re in the U.S., put on your hard hat and watch for falling “progress”:

John Boehner Insults Piles of S*#t

Have you ever wondered why Democrats are so incredibly offended just because somebody reads one of their bills aloud? The question answers itself, but all this Cap & Trade debate has turned me into a big fan of Ohio Rep. John Boehner, who had some choice words for the aforementioned bill:

When asked why he read portions of the cap-and-trade bill on the floor Friday night, Boehner told The Hill, “Hey, people deserve to know what’s in this pile of s–t.”

Using his privilege as leader to speak for an unlimited time on the House floor, Boehner spent an hour reading from the 1200-plus page bill that was amended 20 hours before the lower chamber voted 219-212 to approve it.

Calling Waxman-Markey a “pile of shit” is really a disservice to piles of shit, but it’s as close as Boehner could get at the time and not bad for improv, so I won’t hold that against him — but I can’t vouch for how insulted piles of shit will be over the comparison.