Bill Gates Seeks to Stop Hurricanes, Possibly Using Sharks With Frickin’ Laser Beams on Their Frickin’ Heads

What could possibly go wrong?:

Bill Gates envisions disarming hurricanes by siphoning the high seas

If you thought domination of the world’s software market was cool, get a load of Bill Gates’ next technological vision: giant ocean-going tubs that fight hurricanes by draining warm water from the surface to the depths, through a long tube.

A second tube could simultaneously suck cool water from the depths to the surface.

Microsoft founder Gates and a dozen other scientists and engineers have a patent pending for deploying such vessels.
As many as 200 vessels could be placed strategically in the predicted path of a hurricane, and they could be designed to be reused or to sink in place and decompose underwater. The vessels could be moved into place by towing or by dropping from airplanes.

Part of the reasoning for this invention would be to defuse hurricanes should they become much more prevalent due to runaway global warming, but what would be the carbon footprint of this project that will no doubt utilize countless airplanes, tugs, motors, manufacturing equipment and much more? In other words, what good is a hurricane-stopper if it generates and/or strengthens hurricanes in the process?

But wait, there’s more:

The water-moving vessels would not be limited to killing hurricanes, however. The applications also suggest the “wave induced downwelling” could stir up nutrient-rich sediment on ocean floors to promote plant and animal growth in environmentally-degraded areas.

When did the solution to problems that are allegedly caused by humans screwing with nature become humans screwing with nature? Probably around the same time the solution to the problem of wildly excessive government spending and taxation became more wildly excessive government spending and taxation.

But hey, with other inventions in the hopper like these, I’m more confident than ever that Gates can stop hurricanes:

New Orleans residents might be keen on at least two other ideas for which Gates and his allies have sought patents: an insulated container that can be used as a beer keg and a fence using photons — particles of light — to shoo mosquitoes away from homes.

Given this, hurricanes must be quaking in their boots.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: